Friday Five: The B-I-B-L-E

From Mother Laura at RevGalBlogPals:

Does everyone remember the old Sunday School song?
The B-I-B-L-E,Oh, that's the book for me.
I take my stand on the Word of God,The B-I-B-L-E.

I have been working on an expansive language version of the Psalms and the Liturgy of the Hours/Divine Office/Breviary. (For you non-liturgical gals and pals, that's a set of prayers for morning, noon, evening, etc., mostly consisting of Psalms and other biblical texts).

So I have been thinking a lot about the Bible recently, and how we encounter it as God's Word--or don't--in our lives, prayer, and ministry. (Great minds think somewhat alike this week, as yesterday's Ask The Matriarch post dealt with ways to help as many people in a community as possible engage with a scriptural text in preparation for Sunday worship).

So, in that spirit, I offer my first Friday Five. I'm looking forward to hearing everyone's experience and reflection on these B-I-B-L-E questions:
1. What is your earliest memory of encountering a biblical text?
Since I've been in Sunday School all my life, I don't really remember. I do remember when my Grandmother told me about her Sunday School Lesson on the book of Ruth. I was in Elementary School and it was cool for an adult to be talking to me about the Bible like I might get it!

2. What is your favorite biblical translation, and why? (You might have a few for different purposes).
NRSV for study. I just picked up The Message. For some reason I resisted, but the Bishop read from it at a recent retreat, so I thought I would check it out with some bookstore gift cards I had. So far, I like it. I haven't read The Psalms in it though.

3. What is your favorite book of the Bible? Your favorite verse/passage?
Hmm. Hadn't really thought about a favorite book. I would have to say The Psalms. There is so much emotion and truth there. Favorite Passage(s): Romans 8:28 (NRSV), Nehemiah 8:8 (This is my call verse.), Psalm 51:10, Psalm 139:114 (It took a long time for me to believe this one.)


4. Which book of the Bible do you consider, in Luther's famous words about James, to be "an epistle of straw?" Which verse(s) make you want to scream?
The Revelation of John - misused, misunderstood...

5. Inclusive language in biblical translation and liturgical proclamation: for, against, or neutral?
For - especially when referring to humans. Mixed when referring to God. Not all God language should be masculine, but it doesn't need to be wiped out completely. My friend who speaks Chinese tells me there is a separate gender for God in her language.

Bonus: Back to the Psalms--which one best speaks the prayer of your heart?
It varies from day to day but I can really identify with Psalm 77:2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. Sometimes I'm not ready to be comforted, too hurt, too stubborn, too human.

Fab Four Meme

I've been tagged by The Typist This one is all about fours. Answering this has been interesting. My life has been relatively stable (or boring), so I have trouble coming up with some of these fours.

Four jobs I've held:
Camp Counselor
Flower Shop Delivery Person
Special Education Teacher (in 7 different schools)
Hospital Chaplain

Four films I could watch over and over:
It's a Wonderful Life
White Christmas
Holiday Inn
A Christmas Story
or All the Harry Potter Movies

Four TV shows I watch:
NCIS
Numbers
The Vicar of Dibley (BritCom)
As Time Goes By (BritCom)

Four places I've lived:
Town next door to famous university.
Small town where I went to College
Large City
Current Suburb

Four favorite foods:
Shrimp
Key Lime Pie
Gooey Enchiladas
Dark Chocolate Mint anything (Have you tried the new Mint Three Muskateers?)


Four websites I visit everyday: (or almost daily)
mail.yahoo.com
revgalblogpals.blogspot.com
http://cubpoppy.blogspot.com/
http://revdulce.blogspot.com/

Four Favorite Colors:
Peach & Teal
Blue & White

Four places I would love to be right now:
In a hammock on the beach
In a hammock on the porch of a mountain cabin
At Fancy Lakeside Resort having a massage
Here in my own home

Four names I love but would/could not use for my children:
What, only four? Remember I taught school for 20 years. Do you know how many names have been ruined for me? manBoy only has his real name because the year he came to us, I threatened a kid he must never do anything so bad I wouldn't want to use his name for my son.
Heather
Brandon
Skyler
Rose


I tag RevDulce, spoookyrach, The Vicar of Hogsmeade, and reverendmommy.Hope y'all haven't already been tagged by somebody... this one's going around!

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

For the last 18 months I have felt like Maria in the beginning of the movie The Sound of Music. The cabinet didn't seem to know what to do with my friend and me when we managed to pass commissioning interviews a year before we graduated. They didn't know what to do with me now that I've finished CPE in the middle of the appointment year.

Today, they came up with an answer, albeit very temporary. From Oct. 1 -31 I will be working for the Conference office gathering information and creating a resource for ministering to persons with special needs in the church. Given my 20 years of teaching special education and the fact that I've done some research on this for earlier presentations and seminary papers, this will be right up my alley. It keeps me in the appointment system, it gives us income, and allows me to continue my residency (probationary period) for at least one more month. We will have to see what happens next, but for now I am relieved.

I saw it coming

but was
powerless
to prevent it.

A gentle nudge
of the vacuum cleaner
against the shelf
where the
precariously
perched
picture
began sliding into
the glass bowl

which began its own journey
across the shelf
and
off

onto the marble tile
where it shattered
into hundreds of pieces.

This is how my life feels today. Then I am reminded that shattered dreams are easier to repair than shattered bodies. Emails today speak of an infant waiting skull surgery and a friend's brother on hospice care.

Lord, today I can only pray that you will keep my perspective right and show me your way. Amen

I thought...

perhaps I had found just the right thing to do for the next while. It felt right. It would use all I've learned in CPE, but have little of the anticipation of what trauma will happen next that I found so difficult.

But
it
seems
that door may not open either. I visited with the chief chaplain. We connected. However, she doesn't make hiring decisions. The hiring manager already has someone in mind for the job.

I did learn today that there is little or no hope of an appointment before January.

I
can't
wait
until January to be employed.

Lord, you know my needs (and my wants). Show me where and when I need to wait and when I need to act. Amen.

Encouragement ..... and tidbits

Success
is measured
not only
in achievements...
but in lessons learned,
lives touched,
moments shared
along the way.

This was on a card that came in the mail today. It was sent by G&T's aunt and uncle in Minnesota without knowledge of last week's set back. It was just what I needed.

As I faced my disappointment last week, I asked a particular group of people to pray for encouragement for me. I have received encouragement from every direction. G&T, manBoy, my mom, blog friends, church friends, seminary friends, neighborhood friends have all offered emails, phone calls, hugs, and words of encouragement for staying the course. So I am grateful to all of you who prayed and commented and called and hugged in person on via the net. I am truly blessed.

I am in a better place, but I still don't know what the future holds. Today I reworked my resume with a teaching focus so I can apply for a substitute teacher. My heart isn't in it, but I didn't cry at the thought of going there. I meet with the DS on Wednesday and I'll have a better idea then if I need to find employment and for how long.

Tidbits:

Homecoming Mum: I realize this is a unique practice to my part of the country, but it is important here. manBoy and I went yesterday to purchase the needed materials. At least I hope we got what is needed. He has asked creative neighbor to help him put it all together. We are trying not to go overboard. We saw already created mums for $180 at the craft store. At the same time, I don't want his date to feel short changed. Her mother has asked that we do all of this in moderation since they are only freshmen. Sounds good to me. Now, if I can figure out what a moderate mum looks like. I actually dreamed about this last night. Do you think my other stress is coming out in odd places?

Organizing: What does it say about me that I organized my organizational tools yesterday? You know, binders, folders, and notebook dividers. Now they are neatly stored and easily accessible.
I definitely think I'm needing to feel in control somewhere.

Self Absorption: As I ventured forth from home this weekend, I was reminded that there are people all around me who are struggling with far worse issues than me. A widow approaching the first anniversary of her husband's death. Two friends helping their extended families through crisis. A young couple holding their few months old baby before she goes in for skull surgery. A two year old with Down's Syndrome and Leukemia. Too much time at home to think has not been good for my perspective.

Lord, open my eyes to the suffering around me. Show me where I can be part of your healing touch. Amen.

Friday 5 - de-cluttering edition

I'm just now posting because I spent the whole day scrubbing the kitchen and putting the den back together after the foundation repair. I now have a pile of stuff that's not going back into the den in my garage. Tomorrow it will go to a local charity that has a resale shop.

Sally at RevGalBlogPals writes this timely meme.
With Jo, Jon and Chris all moving to college and University accommodation there has been a big clear up going on in the Coleman household. We have been sorting and trying hard not just to junk stuff, but actually to get it to where it can be useful. On a brighter note we have used Freecycle ( check it out) to provide the twins with pots and pans etc that other folk were clearing out.

Making the most of our resources is important, I have been challenged this week by the amount of stuff we accumulate, I'd love to live a simpler lifestyle, it would be good for me, and for the environment I think...

With that in mind I bring you this Friday 5;
1. Are you a hoarder or a minimalist?
Somewhere between, but closer to minimalist.
I have a few boxes of keepsakes going back to my childhood and of course manBoy's infancy. I have my original teddy bear along with some others I've collected. However, I have no problem gettting rid of things that are not sentimental or useful. I prefer an uncluttered look.

2. Name one important object ( could be an heirloom) that you will never part with.
Wedding Rings. I've worn them almost 27 years. Not the biggest of diamonds, but the one we chose together.

3. What is the oldest item in your closet? Does it still fit???
Fancy party dress bought as reward for losing weight some time in the late 80's. Sadly it doesn't come close to fitting.

4.Yard sales- love 'em or hate 'em ?
To sell or to shop? I will hold one if I have enough time to go through the whole house and gather up stuff. Lately, I've gleaned one room at a time and wind up just donating to above charity as I don't accumulate critical mass to have a garage sale. We bought much of manBoy's baby equipment at garage sales. In the time of BC (before child), G&T and I used to go garage sale shopping just for fun. That was a simpler time. Now we spend Saturday mornings at Cross Country meets.


5. Name a recycling habit you really want to get into.
That's hard. We are fortunate to have once a week curbside pick up for recycling plastic, paper, glass, metal, and yard debris, so it's easy to recycle that stuff. manBoy's clothes get passed down to cousin or donated. One thing I need to do is find a place to donate old eyeglasses. All three of us wear them and we have quite a collection. I know the Lion's club collects them. I just have to find where.



And for a bonus- well anything you want to add....
Today: the kitchen and den
Tomorrow: my office/ guest room.
Thanks for the inspiration.

Being Dissed or Crisis of Call

I've been dissed - disappointed, discouraged, and disillusioned. The waiting has been for nothing or so it feels. The sure thing isn't sure any more. I'm wondering why I'm even still trying. It would be so much easier to go back to teaching. I checked - there are special education openings in the neighboring suburb. The call that seemed so clear so long ago is less clear now. I'm pouting and I know it, but that's how I feel for today. Of course it doesn't help that I'm stuck at home today while our foundation is being repaired (costing lots and lots of dollars). So maybe I'll just pout a while longer.

Daily Offering

In my Bible, the following section is titled The Daily Offering

Exodus 29:38-46 Now this is what you shall offer on the altar: two lambs a year old regularly each day. One lamb you shall offer in the morning, and the other lamb you shall offer in the evening; and with the first lamb one-tenth of a measure of choice flour mixed with one-fourth of a hin of beaten oil, and one-fourth of a hin of wine for a drink offering. And the other lamb you shall offer in the evening, and shall offer with it a grain offering and its drink offering, as in the morning, for a pleasing odor, an offering by fire to the LORD. It shall be a regular burnt offering throughout your generations at the entrance of the tent of meeting before the LORD, where I will meet with you, to speak to you there. I will meet with the Israelites there, and it shall be sanctified by my glory; I will consecrate the tent of meeting and the altar; Aaron also and his sons I will consecrate, to serve me as priests. I will dwell among the Israelites, and I will be their God. And they shall know that I am the LORD their God, who brought them out of the land of Egypt that I might dwell among them; I am the LORD their God.

Here's what spoke to me from this passage today. First, the Israelites are to set aside time to meet with God twice a day. They are to bring the stuff of their daily lives (lamb, grain, oil, wine) as offering to God. What would it look like for us to bring the stuff of our lives to God twice a day? Our watches, calendars, wallets, Blackberries, cell phones, lap tops? If we did, what would happen?

God makes some promises in this passage. "I will meet you and speak to you" at this place where you come with your offering. "I will dwell among" you. "I will be their God." "They shall know that I am the LORD their God," because they will remember what I have done for them.

In this time of waiting, I have gotten lazy about many things. One of them was offering the stuff of my life to God. When it was hospital work, it was easy to offer that to God. But what about all this unstructured time?

Lord God I give you my time, my mental and physical energy today. Show me how you would have me use it. Amen.

24 Hours

24 hour getaway:
2 trips to pool at lakeside resort
1 evening spent with friends who used to live here and now live there
1 dinner at restaurant overlooking lake with above friends.
2 hours in hot tub at friends' awesome home
8 hours sleep on sheets that feel a lot better than our cheap ones
1 hour on balcony of lakeside resort reading and watching the boats go by
2 hour lunch with sister-in-law at more famous restaurant overlooking lake
Good break. Wish it could have been longer, but we made the most of what we had.

Technodating

Did I mention that manBoy has settled right into High School? So much so that he now has a date for Homecoming. He asked her via text message. Now apparently this isn't the social faux pas it seems to be since she said yes. I'm afraid I'm just too out of touch with teens. Help! What else do I need to know?

Friday Five: Meetings

At RevGalBlogPals, Reverend Mother writes:

In honor of a couple of marathon meetings I attended this week:

1. What's your view of meetings? Choose one or more, or make up your own:
a) When they're good, they're good. I love the feeling of people working well together on a common goal.
b) I don't seek them out, but I recognize them as a necessary part of life.
c) The only good meeting is a canceled meeting.
I guess b. Some (a very few) meetings are good, but so often we seem to go around the same mountain again and again and again.

2. Do you like some amount of community building or conversation, or are you all business?
I tend to be all business, but part of my CPE learning as we studied servant leadership is about the importance of the relationships in productivity. As I wait for my next step (see previous post) I am thinking about how I can be more intentional to focus on relationships as well as task.

3. How do you feel about leading meetings? Share any particular strengths or weaknesses you have in this area.
I'd rather lead than follow most of the time. I get frustrated when I'm not the leader and we seem to be going nowhere. At the same time, I have much to learn about leading. One thing CPE did for me is show me how little I know, and how much room I have to grow.

4. Have you ever participated in a virtual meeting? (conference call, IM, chat, etc.) What do you think of this format?
The closest I've come to this was having one sister on my cell phone and one on my land line while we tried to make holiday plans. It worked pretty well.

5. Share a story of a memorable meeting you attended.
This summer I was working with a couple of other people to create a inservice bulletin board - not just cute, needed to convey information. One person in the group wanted to discuss many possible themes. I was ready to just pick one and move on. We had a deadline to meet! In my frustration, I finally said I would step out of the process until the decision was made. Then I'd be happy to do what ever was needed to make the project happen. As I visited with the other person later, we discussed our different approaches. I mentioned that she liked to consider lots of options. With a huge smile and a spark in her eye she replied, "Yeah, it's like shopping." . I replied, "Exactly! I hate shopping." Well between the two of us and a third person who didn't have many opinions but was a great worker bee we managed to create a great product. It truely takes all types.

Waiting

and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

For pretty much the whole summer, and definitely for the last month, I've been waiting to hear about an appointment (where I will be sent to serve in the United Methodist Church). Since August 31, I have been told 4 different times that I would hear the news I'm waiting for in the next day or two. Still no news. The latest of these was this past Monday when I was told it would be the end of this week before the District Superintendent could tell me anything. I want off this roller coaster! Today is Friday, the end of the week. The DS doesn't work on most Fridays. I am determined that I will not, as I have several times in the last few weeks, spend the day waiting for the phone to ring. Honestly, I've been like a girl waiting for the guy to call after the first date. I promise I'm not going to do that anymore. Really. No, really. Do you believe me?

Friday 5 - on overcoming

Beware, I have lots of back blogging trapped inside. Sit back for a longish read.

From RevGalBlogPals:

1.Have you experienced God's faithfulness at a difficult time? Tell as much or as little as you like...
How to choose? This past year has been full of difficult times. My CPE experience brought me into contact with great pain and suffering weekly. There were 12 hour on call shifts that I thought I would never make it through either physically or emotionally. God was there. Gifted and Talented was laid off mid-November and didn't find a new job until the very end of February. That was scary. I struggled to feel God's presence, but God was there. God surrounded us with people who could feel/see God's presence in our lives even when we couldn't. Graduating from seminary and attending Annual Conference knowing that there wasn't at that time an appointment for me was difficult. It seemed I had worked so hard and my family had sacrificed so much for nothing. God was there. God brought healing from my grief. Now I am waiting to hear where I will be appointed. God is here now too.

2. Have you experienced a dark night of the soul, if so what brought you through?
Our years of struggle with infertility left me empty and hurting. Finally, I came to the point where I didn't want to be sad anymore. We began to take steps to enjoy our life. At the same time God was working through people around me to let me know I wasn't alone. God was with us in our pain. One Friday in Dec. 1992, a friend told me she was pregnant. She worried that her news would be difficult for me to deal with. I was able to tell her that for the first time in 4 years I could hear the news of someone else's pregnancy and not hurt. I had a peace that God had a plan for us. We were in the waiting part of the adoption process. We expected to wait up to a year. We brought manBoy home on the following Monday. God is indeed good.

3. Share a Bible verse, song, poem that has brought you comfort?
Romans 8:28 "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. " Note this verse does not say all that happens to us is good, but I believe that God can work good in all things.

As we were dressing for what would be our last fertility appointment, I heard the following statement on Oprah, "The best revenge is to live happily inspite of what someone has done to you." This put into words exactly what I was feeling about infertility. I wanted to find a way to live happily inspite of it. We did. manBoy has been with us for 14+ years now.

Song: Something Beautiful (UMH 34, Bill and Gloria Gaither)

Somthing beautiful, something good;
all my confusion he understood;
all I had to offer him was brokenness and strife,
but he made something beautiful of my life.

4. Is "why suffering" a valid question?
Part of my personal CPE work involved reading a book called The Power to Bless by Myron C. Madden. It has been powerful reading for me. I have to read and reread and digest a little at a time. One chapter talks about the vows we make as children and how we sometimes spend our adult lives living up to unreasonable and sometimes buried expectations. My childhood was not happy. I realized that one of the vows I made was that I would not suffer as I did then. Our CPE readings on suffering helped me see that suffering is inevitable. I do not think it was a coincidence that these two readings happened in the same time frame that I was suffering from the stress and worry over Gifted & Talented's job situation. God is good. God is faithful.

5. And on a lighter note- you have reached the end of a dark and difficult time- how are you going to celebrate?
Hey that's now! I am relaxing (some). I've already ready three novels since CPE ended. I have some bookstore gift cards and I plan to spend them on books or music. I'm listening to a CD my sisiter-in-law gave me with all girl singers. I may splurge on new CD's from some of these artists. Our family is trying to plan an overnight getaway this month.

Bonus- anything you wish to add....
Great an opportunity to tell this story on overcoming.

A is for Amazing

I want to tell you about a friend I met at the hospital. I'll call him "A". He has given me permission to tell his story.

"A" is 30 years old. He has spent his adult life seeking pleasure in partying and drinking. He admits that life was all about him and today. He didn't want to think about tomorrow. He didn't want to have to consider anyone else.

Then within a few short days, "A" went from an active man who made his living doing physical work to lying paralyzed in an Intensive Care hospital room. That's when I met him. He had a nerve disease that had started in his feet and worked its way up his body. Talking had even become difficult. "A" was scared. They told him his disease was reversible, but he couldn't see that happening. What he could feel happening was God calling him. He had seen a peace and joy he didn't understand in some of his friends who were Christians. "A" wanted what they had.

I have visited with "A" many times over the last two months. His condition has indeed improved, but what has been more wonderful to see is the way God is working in this man's heart and spirit. After a few days of fear and "why me," "A" began to see his illness as an opportunity to change himself and his life. He thanks God daily for even the smallest things that you and I take for granted. He looks forward to the day when he will be able to brush his teeth. He sees that he will be able to use his story to encourage others. He is grateful that he has been pulled out of the life he was living. Last week I asked him if he could go back and had a choice to continue in the life he had or to have this illness happen. His response was, "I'm glad this happened. I'm happier here (still mostly paralyzed in the hospital) than I ever was before."

"A" was the last patient I visited on my last shift. When I asked about his day, he said it had been the best day ever. He had received an electric wheelchair. He had wheeled himself to another wing of the hospital to look out a different window and get a different view. For the first time in months he could do something without another person having to help him. As he gazed out at the city, he prayed in thanksgiving that it had only taken him and God to get him to the window. "A" still faces several months of therapy before he recovers. He looks forward to the day when he can walk again and he finds joy in every little step in between.

I have been blessed to know "A". He has taught me and inspired me. We plan to keep in touch.

Endings

The last day of CPE fell on my birthday. It was a few days ago. My son manBoy gave up his last day off from school to come with me for the graduation worship and lunch. He listened - really listened - to what was said at the graduation. He has already used a poem that was read during the service for one of his school assignments. When we got home that afternoon, he disappeared into his room for a while. When he returned he handed me a handwritten page. This is what he said.

A Birthday Poem

Another year come and gone
Another year well spent
A year filled with joy
But not without its share of concerns

CPE residency
A year spent learning
A year spent teaching
Most importantly a year spent growing

This is your day.
Your day.
I hope it has been a good one,
It's going to have to last until next year.

I am blessed.

I worked a few more days to cover on-call shifts while the new residents where trained. My last shift ended at 11:00 last night. I walked out leaving my badge, keys, and pager behind. For a whole year they lived in a cubby hole in my car when they weren't attached to my person. Somehow this made an invisible connection between the hospital and me even when I wasn't there. I have a new sense of freedom now that they are no longer with me.

It is Finished

374 days later, my time at the hospital is finished. I haven't written in a long while. Perhaps because I was pouring out my soul in CPE writings. Perhaps because I was pouring it out into my patients.

I have learned much. I am a stronger person for having served one year and 9 days as a chaplain in a 900 bed County Hospital that is the Region Burn Hospital and a Level 1 Trauma Center. Level 1 Traumas are the most serious. My assigned units included one of five Intensive Care Units, the Oncology unit, the Geriatric unit, and the Endocrinology unit. Each had it's own personality. The oncology patients return for several chemo sessions. You get to know them on a deeper level. Some of the ICU patients stay a long time, some go home, and many go to their final rest. A few leave ICU for less intense locations in the hospital. Those I followed from floor to floor. The Endocrinology patients are usually coping with diabetes and facing life changes either with a new diagnosis or complications. The Geriatric patients varied from grumpy to wise. I wonder which of my personality traits will be magnified as I age.

I have the next 3 weeks off before I begin what comes next (a great mystery that should be revealed soon). It is my intent (yes a play on someone else's words) to go back through my journal and share some of my CPE lowlights and highlights in this blog.

My First Baptism

A tiny baby
in the sterile
yet holy
delivery room
too small, too soon.

Two hours later
beside his mother.

She held him
in her arms
as he breathed
his
last
breath.

We
cried
together.

Mother Care

God sent me to this place.
The me that I am.
The me I already was.

God placed me,
the mother that I love being
in this very place.

To offer a bit of grace,
God's mother love
for those who need it.

Gentle Care,
Brushing Hair,
Hearing Heart,
Hugging Arms.

Soft reprimand,
Holding hands,
Bedtime prayers,
Mother care.

In God's name,
Grace.

Back from Oblivion with a Party!

I'll blog later about where I've been (mostly trying to keep up with home, kid, spouse, and CPE assignments), but this Friday Five seemed like a great way to come back! See the end for a quick update on our lives.

Friday Five: It's My Party

From Songbird at RevGalBlogPals.

I hate to say it, but over the years I've been to too many parties where I, or the birthday child, has felt much like the chorus of Lesley Gore's old tune. I am therefore not the biggest fan of birthday parties.For this Friday (which happens to be my birthday), tell us these five things about parties, birthday or otherwise.

1) Would you rather be the host or the guest? Host, but no I'm not a control freak. Really I'm not!

2) When you are hosting, do you clean everything up the minute the guests go home? Will you accept help with the dishes? If it's really late, I'll rinse and stack and leave most of it for the morning. I will always take help.

3) If you had the wherewithal, and I guess I mean more than money, to throw a great theme party, what would the theme be? We'll be throwing a graduation party in a couple of weeks, so that's the theme I would pick for now. Graduation parties are bitter sweet celebrations of something accomplished, something ending, and in this case unknown new beginnings. I'm not big into themes. When we host a party, I want it to be about relaxing and enjoying other people's company. That's what I'm hoping for this party too. A chance to celebrate being together and to enjoy some good music (see #5).

4) What's the worst time you ever had at a party? That would be the party at which the Birthday Boy (aka manBoy) got into a fist fight with one of his guests. The worst time manBoy had at a party was when he broke his foot just hours before his dad's 40th birthday party (a few years ago).

5) And to end on a brighter note, what was the best? We have had guitar parties where one visitor was heard to say "I've never seen so many guitars in one room without price tags!" Most of these were in the era BC (before child), but we still gather smaller groups. In the original version, many young couples and singles would gather for a weekend bringing all sorts of musical instruments and their smiles. The music was awesome and everyone brought at least one song everyone else could learn. Food abounded around the center dish of Velveeta, Rotel, and Breakfast Sausage Queso. In the wee hours some returned to their own homes to sleep, but several crashed on beds and floors in our house. Then we'd start over again the next evening.

Quick Update:

Mid-life Rookie is nearing end of 3rd unit of CPE in large county hospital and enjoying it much more. This unit we are discussing cultural sensitivity which is fun since the majority of our group is from other cultures. Graduating from Hallowed Halls Seminary on May 19. (Okay they are holding my diploma till the end of CPE, but I'm walking and celebrating as if its over.) I will not be registered for classes this summer, so as far as I'm concerned my years there are done, which is a little sad. I attended the Sending Forth Worship Service yesterday. It was great to see friends and my professors (believe it or not). I'm still waiting to hear about an appointment in a church, but it's not looking too hopeful.

Gifted & Talented been employed since Feb. 28th. (Yipee!) This job requires a different skill set than he's used to using, so he is adjusting. We are grateful for paycheck and insurance. He still plays with the worship band at church and even had one of our out-of-town friends join them a couple of weeks ago.

manBoy ran Cross Country and Track and received a running award. It's getting easier to watch him run the hurdles. We had an incredible discussion this week when his science teacher assigned a paper on personal beliefs regarding creation and evolution. It is exciting to watch him come into his own understandings. He is finishing middle-school and definitely has short timer's disease. Today his class has gone to Giant Theme Park. I don't expect they will get much learning done after this.

Well if anyone actually comes back to read this after my long absence,
Blessings to All,
MLR

Friday Five: Artsy Crafty

From RevGalBlogPals:

During Lent here at Suburban Presbyterian Church, we are exploring the creative and liturgical arts, with classes and speakers dealing with storytelling, iconography, dance, visual art, writing, and so on. The theme is "A Beautiful Thing," inspired by the story of the woman anointing Jesus and his declaration that "She has done a beautiful thing for me." (Mark 14, NIV)

We are working on the notion that everything we do can be considered a beautiful thing--a creative offering to God--whether it's gardening or scrapbooking or accounting or sorting clothes at the clothes closet or child-rearing. And so:

As a disclaimer, I recently found myself emerging from the darkness in which all energy went into existing and nothing was left for creating. As I spend more time in the light, I hope the creative energy will grow. My answers today are not especially brilliant, but at least I'm playing again.

1. Would you call yourself "creative"? Why or why not? Not particularly, but I have done some creative writing, taking lectio devina to a different level. I write in first person the experience of someone in the passage. I haven't shared any of these with anyone.

I saw an ad somewhere that spouted "creative solutions." That pretty much describes what I do well, find solutions that work for people. I don't know how creative that is.



2. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you currently do that you'd like to develop further. I would love to do more creative writing. Hopefully, as written requirements for school, CPE fall away, there will be more time. I'd love to write devotions for Guideposts or Upper Room. For now this blog will have to be my outlet.

3. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you have never done but would like to try. Redecorating our home. I've done a little of this, but we are in need of major updates.

4. Complete this sentence: "I am in awe of people who can write creative lyrics for songs. I love a good turn of phrase. One of those is from Point of Grace's The Great Divide: 'There's a bridge to cross the great divide...There's a cross to bridge the great divide.' Some other songwriters I admire are Terri Hendrix and Betty Elders."

5. Share about a person who has encouraged your creativity, who has "called you to your best self." (I'm pretty sure that's from the Gospel of Oprah.) My friends dogblogger, Mai, and Patti all remind me to recognize the gifts I've been given. I tend to focus on what I can't do.

Tomorrow is the Day! (Feedback Appreciated)

G&T starts his new job on Wednesday. He is excited and nervous. Please keep him in your prayers as you go throughout your day.

As for me, I will be preaching at my home church on March 25. It has been suggested that I might share some of the stories of healing I have seen at the hospital. A few of these healings have been physical. Others have been more along spiritual and emotional lines. I would probably use the story of Jesus healing the man on the mat by forgiving his sins for a scripture basis. Anyone have an opinion on this?

On another front, I had decided to give up panicking over money, future.... for my Lenten discipline. Then of course one of the main sources of panic has been resolved. So now I need a new discipline and Lent is almost a week gone. I think I'm going to pray about my work at the hospital more. I pray in my work all the time, but not as much about it. Any other suggestions?

News, News, News

Okay, here's the great news- Gifted & Talented has been offered a job that he will enjoy! It will draw on several of his interests and offers him a chance to let his light shine a little. Hint the job has to do with lights. He starts on February 28. So thank you for all your prayers and support during this difficult time. In all our worry and stress, we never felt we lacked for friendship, love, or support. Indeed, we knew we were blessed.

I've had a few "aha moments" in the last couple of weeks, but just didn't get time to blog them. So keep reading if you want to see what I've learned in all this. Since I'm posting them all at once, you can read straight down and get the right chronology.

Acts of Faith: Crying Out in Our Misery

After a long time the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery, and cried out. Out of the slavery their cry for help rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God looked upon the Israelites, and God took notice of them. Exodus 2:23-25

Aaron spoke all the words that the LORD had spoken to Moses, and performed the signs in the sight of the people. The people believed; and when they heard that the LORD had given heed to the Israelites and that he had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped. Exodus 4:30-31

As we have journeyed through the wilderness of unemployment and wondering what our future might look like, I have learned something about acts of faith.

I tried to be at peace, trusting God's faithfulness to us, knowing that God would take care of us. But honestly, I see people at the hospital who it seems God may have abandoned. People without homes. People without transportation. People without money for health care who let their illnesses get far too serious before they seek medical help. I know it's society and not God who has abandoned them. Still, it was hard to see this everyday and keep hope.

At home, the crack our foundation (the house not our marriage) was worsening everyday. I worried about that. I worried about both of us being without jobs after August. I worried about everything, and then I beat myself up for worrying rather than having faith.

Then, I was reading Exodus (see above). The Israelites didn't really know the God who heard their cry, but they knew their ancestors had believed. They cried out and God heard. Many of the Psalms are written by someone who cried out to God from their misery. I learned that crying out in one's misery can be an act of faith.

So, I decided that I too must cry out to God in my misery. I had to lay all my fear and worry out honestly. It was the only act of faith I was capable of at the time. As I journaled my prayer, pouring out my heart, the phone rang. It was a call regarding a possibility for my future ministry. I'm not kidding. As I finally came before God in my true state, before I finished, the phone rang. I believed the Lord had given heed to my cry.

I still don't know what my ministry will look like, but I know God hears my cry.

Emerging from the Cocoon

Last Saturday, I realized that for over a week I had only been to work, home and maybe one other place. Then I got sick and spent Sunday and Monday in bed. On Monday, I was well enough to write my final evaluation for Unit 2 (of 4) of my CPE program. Thank goodness for laptops!

On Tuesday, we presented our final evaluations and finished mid-afternoon. As I was leaving in the warm sunshine, I felt as if I had emerged from a long period of darkness into beautiful daylight.

My heart was lighter. I was actually smiling spontaneously. Whatever had changed within, I felt like rejoicing.

Ash Wednesday

I assisted with the imposition of ashes to hospital patients and staff all day long on Wednesday, but I did not have ashes imposed on my forehead. I knew that I would be worshiping at my church that evening, and I waited until I could be the recipient rather than the carrier of God's grace.

Work at the hospital has kept me from my church for the last two Sundays. As the service began, it felt so good to just sit back and soak in the atmosphere.

As the service progressed, the readings and prayer of repentance became more than words. They spoke to and from my heart. The violin and guitar duet played The Lord's Prayer, and tears rolled down my face. I could truly pray, "Thy will be done." I confessed my weak faith and asked God's forgiveness. When the ashes were placed on my forehead, I knew I had experienced grace.

Acts of Faith: Taking a Bath

After the Ash Wednesday Service, I went home and took a bath. Now for many of you this would seem routine, but for me it was an act of faith. I was doing something normal, no something special as a treat for myself. I could lay in the tub and read a novel, warming the water twice over. I could do something other than worry for the first time in a long time. The peace I had so longed for had come.

On Thursday, Gifted & Talented received the job offer.

Ministry Moments

Okay, the title of this blog is Ministry Moments and Other Mid-Life Musings. Lately it's been more my life musings and less ministry moments. So here goes.

In the last 72 hours I have cared for five families dealing with death or imminent death of a loved one. All of these are too early deaths, unexpected deaths. Each family dealt with their loss in a different way and required a different approach to pastoral care. However, they all had one common link- the ministry of presence. That I was there, that someone cared, made a difference.

When you think you can't make a difference, just be there.

No News

I really don't have much to report, but I haven't blogged in a few days and I want to keep up the habit. So here's the non-news and prayer requests.

There is no news on the job front. We are all a little discouraged. Prayers for encouragement and peace will be appreciated.

manBoy made his class choices. I'm grieving that he is giving up band, but if his heart isn't fully in it he will be miserable. He made his decision Saturday, and was still at peace with it this morning. So, prayers of thanksgiving for that.

I have a meeting tomorrow Feb. 6 to explore a far away possibility. Please pray for discernment.

House repairs on hold until foundation company comes on Feb. 15th.

Lord Jesus, fill us with your peace. Amen.

The Future is Here

I am NOT ready to be the mother of a high school student. I know it's coming, but this is JUST January. Why are we talking to high school counselors now? Why do course selections that will affect the next four years have to be decided on in less than a week's time? Why do we have to think about this when we don't even know where we will be living when school starts next year?

We went to the High School Expo to learn about electives and guess what? manBoy wants to do everything! Decisions are so hard.

On another note, G&T has found some training he would dearly love to take. The question is how to pay for it and pay the bills.

Okay, I know I'm whining, but I just want to whine a little. A person can only take so much emotional change without a brief outburst every now and then.

Oh Lord, there are so many decisions facing us. Guide our hearts and minds. Lead us in your will. Show us where and how we can be your servants. Bless us with the peace of your spirit. Amen.

Hope, Grief, and a Child's Wisdom

First, the hope. I briefly spoke about the blank canvas in an earlier post. In the past few weeks I have struggled to fight back tears at the sense of being about 1" tall standing on the corner of a 4' by 4' blank canvas. I had no picture of what the future looks like and no idea which way to turn. Now I am wondering if it is possible that the canvas had to be blank before we would or could think about possibilities that are far from anything we had imagined before the layoff? I don't want to say much, just that we are broadening our thinking some.

Second, the grief. We are beginning to do the things that must be done before we put our house on the market. It is likely that we would need to do this in the coming months even if G&T was still employed, but still it is sad. I love this house. I love the way we are when we are in it. Three comfortable cozy bears enjoying our life together. I have always wanted our home to be a refuge, and I didn't realize how much it has become that. I have to trust that we can recreate that wherever we wind up.

Words of Wisdom from a Child: This morning's children's message was about the importance of putting down good roots in scripture, worship, and prayer. One of the children commented that the roots of a plant allows it to grow both in the sunshine and in the cold. Deep thoughts for this mid-life rookie who seems to be trying to grow in the cold right now.

Is It Me???

What do you think?

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Reverend Lady Mid-life Rookie the Unique of Longer Interval Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

I admit, I tried more than once. I rejected the names that included largebottom and dejected because they were too close to home.

Friday Five: Renewal

RevGalBlogPals meme of the week: List four ways you like to relax or give yourself a break. Then name a fifth, something you've never been able to do, a self-care dream.

What only four? Not enough! I can think of several, but don't ask me how long it's been since I did some of them.

1. Listen to Gifted & Talented and several of our friends play guitar and many other stringed instruments at very informal gatherings.

2. Read a trashy novel. When I was in my seminary classes, I would take the day following my last final for a semester to read one or more Nora Roberts (aka JD Robb) or some other light reading that was anything but theology. I also like Jan Karon, but I don't consider those trashy.

3. Bath. Long. Deep. Hot.

4. Swing in a hammock or rock in a rocker. I'm all about the motion.

5. Talk on the phone with family and friends or read the blogs of cyberfriends.

6. PJs. Blankie. Sofa. Hot Chocolate. Munchies. Good Movie.

7. Beach time.

My dream: Take a whole weekend or any two days to be completely alone. I went from my college dorm to marriage. I never have more than a few hours alone at a time. However, being more of an extrovert, I imagine 2 days would be enough.

Waiting

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:27-31 NRSV

I used to teach my special needs students (and my son when he was very young) what waiting looked like. Waiting is an abstract concept that we expect concrete thinking children to grasp. So, I tried to make it more concrete. Waiting most often looked like drumming one's fingers on one's lap or table... Sometimes it looked like twiddling thumbs.

As I read the above scripture today, I wondered, "What does waiting look like for followers of God?" To wait is more than to sit back and see what comes. To wait is to expect that something will happen. Even the motions I taught the children imply expectation. To wait for God is to expect that God will act, or is acting and will reveal. To wait is to hope.

Hope has been in short supply around our house lately. We don't have high expectations for the corporate world, and admittedly we are reserved in our trust in the appointment system that will have to make an exception around my CPE schedule. As I contemplate today's reading, I realize we are hoping (or not hoping) for the wrong thing. We are hoping for the right job, the right appointment... What we need to be waiting expectantly for is God - for the revealing of God's action in our lives - in this situation.

Part of my struggle with hope these last few weeks has been that there was no "future story" to picture. The canvas before us seems blank. I can, however, wait expectantly for God's revealing. I can hold onto that hope - with God's help, by God's grace.

God of love and light, show me what waiting looks like. Help me wait faithfully. Amen.

Alone at Last

One of the advantages of G&T's unemployment is he's home a lot. One of the disadvantages of G&T's unemployment is he's home a lot. This evening I have a blessed 3 hours home alone while the boys are off at a church youth event. First, I read a few blogs. Next I had some quiet time of reading and reflection. While the meat thaws for the chili I'm going to cook, I'll fill you in on my reflections.

I was reading the last few chapters of Acts. Paul tells the story of his conversion again. I started thinking, "Why can't I have a big honkin' message from God right about now?" It would sure help to get a little scoop on what's coming. Maybe it's because I haven't slowed down and shut up long enough to hear anything. Now shutting up is easier said than done for me because I think in words, actually in paragraphs. So even when it's quiet and I have music with no lyrics playing in the earbuds (directly into my brain), I still have ongoing monologue in my head. Soooo, that's not working I'll try another tactic. I'll be Paul. This often works for me. Imagining myself in the story. While I don't often see pictures in my head, I can imagine being somewhere; what it feels and even looks like. Here's what happened:

I'm Paul, well really I'm me walking quickly and sternly along the road prepared to wipe out the bad guys (unemployment). I look stern. I walk with purpose. The people with me have to hustle to keep up. They don't quite understand my fierce determination, but they stick with me anyway. Then it happens. I'm knocked to the ground. Literally, I don't know what hit me but I know I'm on the ground, I can feel it under my elbow and my hip. It's hard. It hurts. All I can see is light. Not a light, but light - all around me. Not harsh or blinding, but beautiful, warm love. The light is between me and everything else. If I stood back up, I wouldn't know which way to step. Hey this is great, here comes the message _______________________________ Nothing. Light's still there, but no message, no voice. All I can do is lay on the ground surrounded by this wonderful light. Well perhaps this is where I need to stay for a while. Laying on the ground, not in the dark of despair and wondering, but in the warm light of faith. I still don't know anymore about what's coming, but somehow I'm in a better place.

Thank you Lord for your presence in my life, in this world. Amen

Badda Bing Badda Boom Friday Five

Reverend Mother at RevGalBlogPals writes: It's been a very full, busy week. Here's the F5, short and sweet.
The questions are simple, the answers unlimited. Go!

Who: My hubby of 26 years, Gifted & Talented (G&T), for whom I am so grateful.

What: Faithfully searching for a job and trying hard to keep his spirits up.

When: Since November 16th

Where: Suburbia, USA

Why: Because the *#!* company downsized, because God has a plan for us, just because...

Bonus - How: By the grace of God and the love of friends and family

Discipleship Denied?

Then Jesus told his disciples, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?
Matthew 16:24-26, NRSV.

We read these words from a post-Easter perspective. I wonder what the disciples might have thought when they heard them. Taking up the cross meant death, giving up one's life. Jesus was asking a great deal! Already, these men (and women) had left their homes, their livelihoods, their lifestyles to follow a man who was somehow different from the others. Now, he asked them to be willing to give their very lives.

Today, when you ask someone about their life, they will most likely tell you about their family, or their job, or their home, and maybe even about their church. In otherwords, their lifestyle.
As I ponder this radical call to discipleship in relation to our current situation, I wonder what are we being called to deny- to give up. We have so much. How far will God ask us to go? I see people who have nothing but what they wear and can carry in a plastic bag everyday. How far am I willing to go? Do I have the strength of faith or desire to follow enough to leave all of it behind? Is that what it would take for me to learn to lean only on God and not on things or my own intelligence and strength of will?

Lord, create in me a heart that desires only to follow you. Amen.

Hiding from the World

I haven't blogged in a long time. I'm not sure why. I can't seem to get the energy to write. I had a cold from Christmas Eve until New Year's Day and beyond. I spent most of the week at home drinking hot tea and blowing my nose. I had a few days off from the hospital, and I retreated into the cocoon of our house. I didn't email and rarely watched the news. Our family needed this down time together. We watched lots of movies and ate junky snacks. It was a great break from the world outside our door; the world of the hospital where I see so much suffering everyday, the world of unemployment where our future hangs in the big unknown. It was also a time of self-centeredness or at least self-focus and yes a little self-pity.

The problem comes in returning to the world. In being a part of everyone else's life - both joys and sufferings. While we were hiding away, the world went on. People came and went from the hospital. Babies were born to great rejoicing and difficult diagnoses were made. Being a part of the world takes so much energy.

At the same time I am constantly reminded of the blessings we have: the home where we find retreat, two cars in good running condition, our health. Yesterday, I heard about one of my co-worker's nephew who at 22 months is beginnning chemo treatments. I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for.

Oh Lord, open my eyes and my heart to the blessings that surround me. Give me energy and enthusiasm to meet the needs I face each day. Guide my steps, my thoughts, my words. Be present with me, Lord. Amen.

Blog Silence

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth or into deep depression. I've just been busy caring for my family and trying to catch up on my CPE assignments. The busy-ness of the season with social, church, and middle school commitments has kept me away from the computer. That and the fact that manBoy has been working on his Science Fair report (on the computer). He had a good birthday celebration this week and was thrilled to receive his first electric shaver. My baby is certainly growing up.

Job update: G&T is looking. We have gotten finances in order so we're okay for a while. We've had many, many blessings poured on us from friends, loved ones, and strangers. I'll blog about that later.

More blogging soon I hope. Science Fair project almost complete, CPE assignments are almost caught up.

Friday Five: Adventually

RevGalBlogPals offers this meme for the day:

Although it comes as late as it can this year, Advent is upon us. Some of us grew up observing it, while to others (including this childhood Baptist) it was even more foreign than Lent! Over the past twenty years, I have grown to love Advent as a season of preparation, although as a pastor I find it harder to practice it at home than at church, even when the church might prefer I make it the other way 'round.Here are five questions about Advent for this first of December:

1) Do you observe Advent in your church?
I'm leading worship at the hospital this Sunday, and I had to explain what Advent is to a couple of people, but yes we will be at least lighting the candles on a wreath for the Sunday services.

My home church celebrates with liturgy and a wreath. One year my family lit the candles. manBoy had just turned two. Having practiced blowing out his birthday candles, he was well prepared to try to blow out each candle as Gifted & Talented lit it. Fortunately his breath wasn't quite strong enough. manBoy still likes to be the one who extinguishes the candles after the service.

2) How about at home?
We usually wait to start Christmas preparation in our home until after the one or two birthdays that fall after the beginning of advent. That way each person gets their own day separate from Christmas.

3) Do you have a favorite Advent text or hymn? Star-Child #2095 in The Faith We Sing.

4) Why is one of the candles in the Advent wreath pink? Just heard this explanation yesterday, "Because the priests got tired of wearing purple vestments."

5) What's the funniest/kitschiest Advent calendar you've ever seen? When I was a little girl, my grandmother made each of us girls a banner calendar that had 12 pockets on the top and 12 on the bottom. In the middle was a felt Christmas tree decorated with covered sequins. Each pocket held a tiny little trinket with a thread for hanging it on the sequins on the tree. The objects didn't really go with Christmas or Advent. I often wondered where she found all of them. She worked at a "Five and Dime" so I'm sure that was the source. The objects changed order each year so it was still fun to see what would come next. The last pocket always held a tiny little nativity scene. Do you remember those? We used to get them in Sunday school. I still have the banner calendar, but the trinkets are long gone.

Not Like the Other Guys

From the first time we met when we were still in high school, it was obvious that Gifted & Talented was not like the other guys. Even in high school when many boys were into self promotion, he had a gentle and humble spirit. Us girls, and there were several of us, had to chase him because he didn't see himself as the great catch he was.

G&T has never tried to "get ahead." He just wants to create a comfortable life for himself and his family. Whether at work, doing a home project, or preparing with the worship band, his goal is always to do a job well. His introverted personality keeps him from ever seeking glory or even recognition. He is the very definition of the word "steadfast."

These past few days have been hard for him. He doesn't see just how wonderful and valuable he is. Now, in his job search, he must promote himself in a way that is contrary to his natural personality. For those of you up close friends and those of you who are blogfriends, please keep him in your prayers. Pray that he will be infused with confidence that comes only from the Holy Spirit, and that the right personnel officer will recognize and appreciate the gifts he has to offer.

God of Love, Thank you for the wonderful man you have created in Gifted & Talented. Thank you for the many blessings he brings to my life. Please Lord, fill him today with a spirit of peace, courage, and confidence. Amen.

Revisioning the Future

First I want to thank all of our friends, both blogfriends and up-close friends, for the care and support you have given us over the past week. We have been well and truely loved.

This week I read Genesis 32-33, the story of Jacob preparing to meet Esau when he returns from Laban's camp. In the story Jacob busily arranges his family and property in such a way as to preserve that which is most precious to him. He is preparing for a violent confrontation and expecting losses. The footnote in my New Interpreter's Study Bible, says "Jacob can only imagine a violent end to his conflict with Esau." This is exactly how I have felt and reacted to the news of G&T's layoff. I've been getting all our financial resources in a row, and seeing what can be sacrificed first with the least pain. I could only imagine a difficult outcome that includes a huge sense of loss.

In my CPE work, we are using an assessment tool that looks at the patient's spiritual and emotional needs. One of the check boxes says "Revisioning the Future." I see now that is exactly what our family needs. We need to take time to articulate our values and evaluate our lifestyle in light of those values. I can see we need a 4th party, someone neutral, to help us talk and think and work our way through this. There are several options out there, we just need to find the one that fits best.

So, I ask for your continued prayers specifically that we can find the person or persons we need to help us revision our future and that we will be faithful to our beliefs and values. Thanks again for stopping by and for your prayers.

Lord God, guide our thoughts, our words, and our decisions in these next few days and weeks. Keep us on the path you would have us take. Amen.

Friday Five: Giving Thanks

Songbird at RevGalBlogPals writes: It's that time of year. In the U.S., college students will be on their way home, traffic on the highways will be at its highest point, cooking and baking will ensue. But before the gorging and napping begins, let's take a moment to give thanks. Please tell us five things or people for which you are thankful this year.

This is an important meme for me. As mentioned in yesterday's post, we are facing a difficulty. Gifted & Talented was laid off from his job yesterday. We are still in shock and trying hard to have faith that God is with us in this and trying hard not to panic. Still, we have many things to be thankful for. I don't think it is an accident that three people who were so hungry they would eat tuna before 10 am asked me for food today. I haven't had these kind of requests in the last couple of weeks. I was reminded of my abundance as I gave them tuna kits and applesauce.

1. Gifted & Talented and manBoy - I'm blessed in soooooo many ways.

2. Dogblogger's Typist and The Alpha - For all the love they give us and especially for taking us to dinner when we were so blue

3. Our extended families; parents, sisters, seven nieces, and one nephew.

4. Neighbors and church friends - the village that supports us as we raise manBoy.

5. Health.

I should list a hundred, but these are the five that come to mind right now.

Walking the Walk

Our family is being asked to walk the faith we've been proclaiming. Our health is fine. More details later. Your prayers are coveted.

O Lord, I have prayed for you to make your presence known to so many patients in the past few weeks. Make it known to us now. Amen.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five - The Colors of Life

Those of us who are in the United States have just been through quite a topsy-turvy election. During the campaign we heard a fair amount about red states and blue states, when in fact most of us live in some shade of purple. And so... a lighter look at those confounding colors:

1. Favorite red food: Shrimp Creole that my mamma taught me how to make. One of the very few dishes I can cook that isn't from a box or can.

2. Tell us about the bluest body of water you've ever seen in person. At the beach of Hotel Maroma between Cancun and Cozumel where we celebrated our 20th anniversary. This was of course before seminary when we could afford such luxuries.

3. It's movie rental time: Blue Planet, The Color Purple, or Crimson Tide? The Color Purple, haven't seen the other two.

4. What has you seeing red these days? Disregard for human dignity.
Oh, also stupidity. Actual t-shirt saying seen in elevator at hospital: "Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go."

5. What or who picks you up when you're feeling blue? I had a really blue day a couple of weeks ago. I let myself feel it without trying to get "up" too quickly. This is big progress for me! A day in my comfy chair with a novel, telling the story to a friend, and hugs from manBoy and Gifted & Talented helped me be renewed enough to face the world again.

The Myth of Making a Difference

In CPE, we are being asked to examine the myths or stories of our lives that influence our ministry. We are using Recalling Our Own Stories by Edward P. Wimberly.

Here are some of my thoughts so far: When I began working with children with disabilities (at age 11), I found a place where I could be happy. What I did was good enough. It not only pleased the adults, I felt I was truly helping the kids. I was capable. I was accepted. I was making a difference in someone’s life. I carried this same set of themes into my teaching career.
Now in ministry, I still want to be accepted for being capable and for making a difference in the church and in people’s lives.

Just I was writing these thoughts this week, I came across Job 29:1-5, 11-17.

Job 29:1 Job again took up his discourse and said: "Oh, that I were as in the months of old, as in the days when God watched over me; when his lamp shone over my head, and by his light I walked through darkness; when I was in my prime, when the friendship of God was upon my tent; when the Almighty was still with me, when my children were around me;

11 When the ear heard, it commended me, and when the eye saw, it approved; because I delivered the poor who cried, and the orphan who had no helper. The blessing of the wretched came upon me, and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me; my justice was like a robe and a turban. I was eyes to the blind, and feet to the lame. I was a father to the needy, and I championed the cause of the stranger. I broke the fangs of the unrighteous, and made them drop their prey from their teeth.

Job is mourning the days when he believed God was with him and he was respected for his good deeds. Job however is wrong in two assumptions. First he believes that God is no longer with him, watching over him. Second he believes that the loss of his prosperity has taken his ability to do good for others. He sits on his ash heap lamenting rather than continuing to speak out for the rights of the down trodden. (Okay, admittedly the whole skin disease thing was a deterent to interacting with people.)

Lesson 1: Neither Job's nor my value before God has to do with the good things we do or things we give for other people.
Lesson 2: Showing kindness to other people isn't limited to those with material possessions.

God of love, show us how to love in all circumstances. Not because it will help us be glorified or loved but because you first loved us. Amen.

Wishful Thinking

mid-life rookie -- [noun]: A master of storytelling 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

and also

manBoy -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

manBoy Tryouts Update

All City Band - yes :-)
Basketball Team - no :-(
All Region Band - yes :-)
Grades up enough to stay in National Junior Honor Society -better than required!

Pain of missing out on basketball soothed by purchase of new shoes which he needed. New shoes are running shoes for cross country which starts in a few weeks instead of basketball shoes as originally planned. We talked about where he had spent his time and energy in the last few weeks (studying and practicing trombone). It is humanly impossible to invest enough preparation time to be great at everything. Hard lessons, but best learned young.

Best moment of the week: Drinking hot chocolate and eating cinnamon rolls with manBoy before bed one night. He wanted us to read the Upper Room devotionals we had missed in the Sept./Oct. issue.

God of love, thank you for the blessing of this wonderful young man. Keep watch over him as he grows and ventures into the world. Guide us as we seek to guide him. Amen.

On-Call Update

Last weekend: 13 hours overnight, 4 deaths, 6 Level I Truama calls. Very holy moments involving infant baptism in the delivery room. Physical and emotional exhaustion made worth it by knowing I made (or rather God used me to make) a difference in someone's life.

Last night: 8 hours, finished by 11 pm, no deaths, no Level I Traumas, no especially holy moments, no sense of having made a difference.

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Edited after reflecting for evaluation:

I did make a difference Friday night. In one of my visits, I told jokes and funny stories to a woman who was down because she was missing her nephew's wedding. She didn't want to get into a deep emotional discussion, she just needed to be distracted for a bit from her situation.

Loving God, Thank you for the gift of humor, and for my ability to remember and tell jokes and stories. Please remind me that you can and will use all my gifts in ministry when I let you. Amen.

All Saints Day

For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.
2 Timothy 4:6-8

Many persons joined the "cloud of witnesses" yesterday. One of them was far from her family in more ways than one. Still, she blessed those of us who cared for her in her last days. She fought many "good fights" in her life and even in this last one, she knew what was coming and lived victoriously until the end.

I can't explain here how her life touched mine 30 years ago without either of us knowing it, but it did. Her actions greatly influenced my first career as a special education teacher. She touched me again these last few weeks as I begin a new career. I believe she will again have a great influence on me.

God of love, thank you for the life of this brave woman and for the lives she changed. Amen.

manBoy's Poem

manBoy was given a poetry assignment for Language Arts class. He was to write a poem commemorating an event in his life. He chose the day his birthmother relinquished him to us. Although he was only two days old and doesn't remember, he's seen the video of the placement ceremony we held in the hospital chapel many times. manBoy has continued contact with each of his birthparents and this has been a blessing for all involved. His teacher and I think he shows amazing understanding for a young teenage boy. Not that I'm bragging or anything. So without further ado:

Farewell For Now

A child brought into the world that day
But you, too young to let me stay,
So you decided to let me go
Hoping I would never go to and fro.

A day full of emotion
Everyone there had the same notion,
You gave me up in love
So that I could live life giving others that same love.

You so very young
Your life, just barely begun.
Anger, I have not
For on that day you were so distraught.

I do not remember that day
But your love is with me to stay
I call them father and mother,
But you will always be that special other.

Your dreams for me are being fulfilled
I’m living the life that you willed.
Raised in a home with love and care,
I do not want to leave here to go elsewhere.

I see you now and again
You love me still as you did then,
Continue to love me I know you shall
I leave you with that, farewell for now.

Perspective

Today I returned to the college campus where my seminary is located. I spent the last 3 1/2 years in classes there. This particular university is known for the wealth of many of the undergraduate students. There are BMW's in the parking garage. Although the university is less than 10 miles from the hospital where I now work, the two institutions are worlds apart. The hospital is all concrete and functionality and is crowded with persons of poverty. The university is old, stately buildings and huge oak trees. Shady green areas are dotted with young people who have never wondered where they will sleep or if they will eat. As I walked across campus, I remembered my first couple of semesters there. I felt terribly out of place. I was middle-aged not young, and it had been 20 years since I had studied for a test or written a term paper. Now, campus feels like home. I miss it. The hospital on the other hand is another strange new land where I am slowly beginning to feel comfortable.

One of the patients made a comment that made me look at my own life. She said when she was first given a walker to use she hated it. It meant a loss of independence and functionality. Now that she can no longer walk even with the walker, she would give anything to be able to use a walker again. It's all a matter of perspective.

I ask myself, what do I have in the here and now that I'm going to miss when CPE is over? What do I need to be appreciating now?

Peace Removed

Weeping subsided. Headache improved. Now for a brief musing.

I was checking out the newbies at RevGalBlogPals and I found Reflections on the Bible talking about peace. I began thinking that God is working on me in a new way that is not at all peaceful, but is necessary. Here is the comment I posted over there.

A breath prayer is just a few syllables that can be uttered in just one breath. It begins with the way you are most comfortable addressing God and is followed with the thing you would ask Jesus for if he sat down facing you and asked, "What do you want?"

For years, off and on, my breath prayer has been, "Lord Jesus, fill me with your peace." This prayer has moved me through hard times and transitions. I have experienced that peace that passes understanding.

Now I sense that God is moving me away from peace for a reason. I need to see the reality of the pain in the world and not live peacefully in ignorance.

Lord Jesus, fill me with your strength, and compassion, and sense of justice, and oh so many more qualities. Amen.

Weepy Today

It's been a while since my last post. My creative energy went into a reflection paper this week. I've been on-call at the hospital today, and seeing other's pain was harder today for some reason. So here are my reasons to weep.

Young girl (just a little older than manBoy) from my small community died this weekend as a result of being struck by a car a couple of weeks ago. I had just about decided to let manBoy extend his roaming area by crossing at that intersection. I'm sad for the girl's life that was too short, and I weep for her family. I'm sad that I'm more fearful about manBoy than I was before I started CPE.

Other hardships involving mothers and babies at separate hospitals.

Families making hard decisions.

manBoy writing a poem to commemorate an event in his life. He wrote about his birthmother's sacrificial love on the day she placed him in my arms. Amazing for a young teenage boy. I'll publish it as soon as he and his teacher have done a small bit of editing. We are sooooo blessed. I think that makes it harder to see others struggle so.

It's been a long time since I've made use of the Teddy Bear Collection that adorns the guest bed. I think I could use a cuddle this evening. Hot Chocolate and a positive book. Still I think of the people I left in waiting rooms with no such comforts.

Lord comfort them! Wrap them with a blanket of your love. Amen.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring. I'll try to post more this week.

Another Learning Opportunity

Reading Isaiah. All about the bad things to come to the enemies of Judah. Muddling through until I happen on this;

Isaiah 16: 10-11 You have forgotten God your Savior; you have not remembered the Rock, your fortress. Therefore, though you set out the finest plants and plant imported vines,
though on the day you set them out, you make them grow, and on the morning when you plant them, you bring them to bud, yet the harvest will be as nothing in the day of disease and incurable pain.

Ouch! How is it that my work life is so immersed in prayer and spirituality, yet I neglect to turn to God with simple issues at home? How can the seeds of love I want to grow in my home flourish without the greatest love of all?

Message recieved Lord. I give it all to you. Amen.

Friday Five: Creature Comforts

Reverendmother at RevGalBlogPals sends out this meme

...Maybe it's the arrival of crisp October, my favorite month. Or maybe it's the fact that the divine little miss m has been sick all week (and if the baby ain't happy, ain't nobody happy). Whatever the reason, my thoughts have been turning to cozy creature comforts--those activities and spaces that just make a person feel good. And so...

1. Comfort beverage - Choffee - My own concoction of Hot Chocolate with a spoon of instant coffee and a nice topping of Extra Creamy Ready Whip. I'm not a coffee drinker, so this is what I've used to stay awake to study these past 4 years. It's also nice for a morning quiet time and much cheaper than unnamed chain coffee shop specialty drinks. It is finally cool here and I have the day off, so I have already enjoyed this special treat in the comfort chair (see below).

2. Comfort chair- large chair covered in Southwest pattern in the corner of my terra cotta den next to the fireplace. It has big arms that hold all my books, bibles and journals. I'm short, so can put my feet up in the chair with me and read for hours (see below).

3. Comfort read - Ooh, there are so many. I enjoy rereading Jan Karon, but I'm also love a trashy novel or a good mystery when I need a mental break. Nora Roberts aka JD Robb works for me.

4. Comfort television/DVD/music: We like to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition as a family. We tape it since at least some of us are usually at church at that time. We also like Christmas movies (It's a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn, White Christmas, and of course The Christmas Story -"You'll shoot your eye out!"). G&T actually bought a leg lamp ornament for our Christmas tree. As for music, G&T and I have a "Relax Mexico" CD from Target that reminds us of beach get-aways in the past. Of course I can always pull out the 70's folk LP's and reminisce. Hey, maybe I'll do that while I clean house today. Where did those John Denver and James Taylor CD's go anyway?

5. Comfort companion(s): Gifted and Talented and manBoy. See above.

Celebration and Blessings

Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. Gifted and Talented came through well with a dozen red roses mixed with other red flowers the day before! I realize everyday how blessed I am to have him. He loves and supports me in so many ways. He has stayed beside me and encouraged me through seminary and now through CPE along this path toward ordination.

I found a picture of a beachhouse and beach scene that reminds us of our great get away this past summer. It's already hanging in our bedroom.

Thank you Lord for this wonderful man. Amen.

I Wonder

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?
And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin,
yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you-- you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?'
For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6: 25-34

I have always read these words from a position of abundance. I wonder what they mean to someone who has nothing, who lives on the streets and who does not know where the next meal will come from. At the hospital, the chaplains often get requests for monetary assistance. The pastoral care office does not have these kinds of resources. As individuals we are allowed to give to those we choose. The need is so great. It seems never ending. I have given Tuna kits to a couple of people, but no monetary assistance as yet. I often feel like the person described in James 2:15-16 If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill," and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that?

So I ask myself, why don't I give financially? True the foundation of our home needs expensive repair, true my student loans will be coming due soon, but also true is the fact that the abundance I have far exceeds that of those who ask. I've thought of asking my Sunday School class for McDonald's gift cards (there is a McD's in the hospital), but the question is what am I willing to share of what I have? As usual this blog serves more as a forum for my own personal debate than for finding or giving answers.

On Call

On call. All is well. No belly ache. More tomorrow.

From a Proud Mom

Below is a poem written by manBoy for a class assignment. Deep thoughts from a young teenage boy. Written from a middle school perspective but true in the broadest sense.

Why Do We See the World the Way We Do

I do not understand
Why cats do not like water
Why people are always fighting
Why people must covet what others have

But most of all I do not understand
How there can me so much hate in the world we live in
I have seen people harassed for what they do
I have seen people teased for the way they look
And I have seen people harassed purely for who they are, not for any other reason

What I do understand most is science
It gives you knowledge about the world we live in
You can tweak chemicals and create completely new medicines
And if you really know your stuff, you can save lives.