I haven't blogged in a long time. I'm not sure why. I can't seem to get the energy to write. I had a cold from Christmas Eve until New Year's Day and beyond. I spent most of the week at home drinking hot tea and blowing my nose. I had a few days off from the hospital, and I retreated into the cocoon of our house. I didn't email and rarely watched the news. Our family needed this down time together. We watched lots of movies and ate junky snacks. It was a great break from the world outside our door; the world of the hospital where I see so much suffering everyday, the world of unemployment where our future hangs in the big unknown. It was also a time of self-centeredness or at least self-focus and yes a little self-pity.
The problem comes in returning to the world. In being a part of everyone else's life - both joys and sufferings. While we were hiding away, the world went on. People came and went from the hospital. Babies were born to great rejoicing and difficult diagnoses were made. Being a part of the world takes so much energy.
At the same time I am constantly reminded of the blessings we have: the home where we find retreat, two cars in good running condition, our health. Yesterday, I heard about one of my co-worker's nephew who at 22 months is beginnning chemo treatments. I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for.
Oh Lord, open my eyes and my heart to the blessings that surround me. Give me energy and enthusiasm to meet the needs I face each day. Guide my steps, my thoughts, my words. Be present with me, Lord. Amen.