I'll blog later about where I've been (mostly trying to keep up with home, kid, spouse, and CPE assignments), but this Friday Five seemed like a great way to come back! See the end for a quick update on our lives.
Friday Five: It's My Party
From Songbird at RevGalBlogPals.
I hate to say it, but over the years I've been to too many parties where I, or the birthday child, has felt much like the chorus of Lesley Gore's old tune. I am therefore not the biggest fan of birthday parties.For this Friday (which happens to be my birthday), tell us these five things about parties, birthday or otherwise.
1) Would you rather be the host or the guest? Host, but no I'm not a control freak. Really I'm not!
2) When you are hosting, do you clean everything up the minute the guests go home? Will you accept help with the dishes? If it's really late, I'll rinse and stack and leave most of it for the morning. I will always take help.
3) If you had the wherewithal, and I guess I mean more than money, to throw a great theme party, what would the theme be? We'll be throwing a graduation party in a couple of weeks, so that's the theme I would pick for now. Graduation parties are bitter sweet celebrations of something accomplished, something ending, and in this case unknown new beginnings. I'm not big into themes. When we host a party, I want it to be about relaxing and enjoying other people's company. That's what I'm hoping for this party too. A chance to celebrate being together and to enjoy some good music (see #5).
4) What's the worst time you ever had at a party? That would be the party at which the Birthday Boy (aka manBoy) got into a fist fight with one of his guests. The worst time manBoy had at a party was when he broke his foot just hours before his dad's 40th birthday party (a few years ago).
5) And to end on a brighter note, what was the best? We have had guitar parties where one visitor was heard to say "I've never seen so many guitars in one room without price tags!" Most of these were in the era BC (before child), but we still gather smaller groups. In the original version, many young couples and singles would gather for a weekend bringing all sorts of musical instruments and their smiles. The music was awesome and everyone brought at least one song everyone else could learn. Food abounded around the center dish of Velveeta, Rotel, and Breakfast Sausage Queso. In the wee hours some returned to their own homes to sleep, but several crashed on beds and floors in our house. Then we'd start over again the next evening.
Quick Update:
Mid-life Rookie is nearing end of 3rd unit of CPE in large county hospital and enjoying it much more. This unit we are discussing cultural sensitivity which is fun since the majority of our group is from other cultures. Graduating from Hallowed Halls Seminary on May 19. (Okay they are holding my diploma till the end of CPE, but I'm walking and celebrating as if its over.) I will not be registered for classes this summer, so as far as I'm concerned my years there are done, which is a little sad. I attended the Sending Forth Worship Service yesterday. It was great to see friends and my professors (believe it or not). I'm still waiting to hear about an appointment in a church, but it's not looking too hopeful.
Gifted & Talented been employed since Feb. 28th. (Yipee!) This job requires a different skill set than he's used to using, so he is adjusting. We are grateful for paycheck and insurance. He still plays with the worship band at church and even had one of our out-of-town friends join them a couple of weeks ago.
manBoy ran Cross Country and Track and received a running award. It's getting easier to watch him run the hurdles. We had an incredible discussion this week when his science teacher assigned a paper on personal beliefs regarding creation and evolution. It is exciting to watch him come into his own understandings. He is finishing middle-school and definitely has short timer's disease. Today his class has gone to Giant Theme Park. I don't expect they will get much learning done after this.
Well if anyone actually comes back to read this after my long absence,
Blessings to All,
MLR
Friday, May 04, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Friday Five: Artsy Crafty
From RevGalBlogPals:
During Lent here at Suburban Presbyterian Church, we are exploring the creative and liturgical arts, with classes and speakers dealing with storytelling, iconography, dance, visual art, writing, and so on. The theme is "A Beautiful Thing," inspired by the story of the woman anointing Jesus and his declaration that "She has done a beautiful thing for me." (Mark 14, NIV)
We are working on the notion that everything we do can be considered a beautiful thing--a creative offering to God--whether it's gardening or scrapbooking or accounting or sorting clothes at the clothes closet or child-rearing. And so:
As a disclaimer, I recently found myself emerging from the darkness in which all energy went into existing and nothing was left for creating. As I spend more time in the light, I hope the creative energy will grow. My answers today are not especially brilliant, but at least I'm playing again.
1. Would you call yourself "creative"? Why or why not? Not particularly, but I have done some creative writing, taking lectio devina to a different level. I write in first person the experience of someone in the passage. I haven't shared any of these with anyone.
I saw an ad somewhere that spouted "creative solutions." That pretty much describes what I do well, find solutions that work for people. I don't know how creative that is.
2. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you currently do that you'd like to develop further. I would love to do more creative writing. Hopefully, as written requirements for school, CPE fall away, there will be more time. I'd love to write devotions for Guideposts or Upper Room. For now this blog will have to be my outlet.
3. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you have never done but would like to try. Redecorating our home. I've done a little of this, but we are in need of major updates.
4. Complete this sentence: "I am in awe of people who can write creative lyrics for songs. I love a good turn of phrase. One of those is from Point of Grace's The Great Divide: 'There's a bridge to cross the great divide...There's a cross to bridge the great divide.' Some other songwriters I admire are Terri Hendrix and Betty Elders."
5. Share about a person who has encouraged your creativity, who has "called you to your best self." (I'm pretty sure that's from the Gospel of Oprah.) My friends dogblogger, Mai, and Patti all remind me to recognize the gifts I've been given. I tend to focus on what I can't do.
During Lent here at Suburban Presbyterian Church, we are exploring the creative and liturgical arts, with classes and speakers dealing with storytelling, iconography, dance, visual art, writing, and so on. The theme is "A Beautiful Thing," inspired by the story of the woman anointing Jesus and his declaration that "She has done a beautiful thing for me." (Mark 14, NIV)
We are working on the notion that everything we do can be considered a beautiful thing--a creative offering to God--whether it's gardening or scrapbooking or accounting or sorting clothes at the clothes closet or child-rearing. And so:
As a disclaimer, I recently found myself emerging from the darkness in which all energy went into existing and nothing was left for creating. As I spend more time in the light, I hope the creative energy will grow. My answers today are not especially brilliant, but at least I'm playing again.
1. Would you call yourself "creative"? Why or why not? Not particularly, but I have done some creative writing, taking lectio devina to a different level. I write in first person the experience of someone in the passage. I haven't shared any of these with anyone.
I saw an ad somewhere that spouted "creative solutions." That pretty much describes what I do well, find solutions that work for people. I don't know how creative that is.
2. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you currently do that you'd like to develop further. I would love to do more creative writing. Hopefully, as written requirements for school, CPE fall away, there will be more time. I'd love to write devotions for Guideposts or Upper Room. For now this blog will have to be my outlet.
3. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you have never done but would like to try. Redecorating our home. I've done a little of this, but we are in need of major updates.
4. Complete this sentence: "I am in awe of people who can write creative lyrics for songs. I love a good turn of phrase. One of those is from Point of Grace's The Great Divide: 'There's a bridge to cross the great divide...There's a cross to bridge the great divide.' Some other songwriters I admire are Terri Hendrix and Betty Elders."
5. Share about a person who has encouraged your creativity, who has "called you to your best self." (I'm pretty sure that's from the Gospel of Oprah.) My friends dogblogger, Mai, and Patti all remind me to recognize the gifts I've been given. I tend to focus on what I can't do.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Tomorrow is the Day! (Feedback Appreciated)
G&T starts his new job on Wednesday. He is excited and nervous. Please keep him in your prayers as you go throughout your day.
As for me, I will be preaching at my home church on March 25. It has been suggested that I might share some of the stories of healing I have seen at the hospital. A few of these healings have been physical. Others have been more along spiritual and emotional lines. I would probably use the story of Jesus healing the man on the mat by forgiving his sins for a scripture basis. Anyone have an opinion on this?
On another front, I had decided to give up panicking over money, future.... for my Lenten discipline. Then of course one of the main sources of panic has been resolved. So now I need a new discipline and Lent is almost a week gone. I think I'm going to pray about my work at the hospital more. I pray in my work all the time, but not as much about it. Any other suggestions?
As for me, I will be preaching at my home church on March 25. It has been suggested that I might share some of the stories of healing I have seen at the hospital. A few of these healings have been physical. Others have been more along spiritual and emotional lines. I would probably use the story of Jesus healing the man on the mat by forgiving his sins for a scripture basis. Anyone have an opinion on this?
On another front, I had decided to give up panicking over money, future.... for my Lenten discipline. Then of course one of the main sources of panic has been resolved. So now I need a new discipline and Lent is almost a week gone. I think I'm going to pray about my work at the hospital more. I pray in my work all the time, but not as much about it. Any other suggestions?
Saturday, February 24, 2007
News, News, News
Okay, here's the great news- Gifted & Talented has been offered a job that he will enjoy! It will draw on several of his interests and offers him a chance to let his light shine a little. Hint the job has to do with lights. He starts on February 28. So thank you for all your prayers and support during this difficult time. In all our worry and stress, we never felt we lacked for friendship, love, or support. Indeed, we knew we were blessed.
I've had a few "aha moments" in the last couple of weeks, but just didn't get time to blog them. So keep reading if you want to see what I've learned in all this. Since I'm posting them all at once, you can read straight down and get the right chronology.
I've had a few "aha moments" in the last couple of weeks, but just didn't get time to blog them. So keep reading if you want to see what I've learned in all this. Since I'm posting them all at once, you can read straight down and get the right chronology.
Acts of Faith: Crying Out in Our Misery
After a long time the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery, and cried out. Out of the slavery their cry for help rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God looked upon the Israelites, and God took notice of them. Exodus 2:23-25
Aaron spoke all the words that the LORD had spoken to Moses, and performed the signs in the sight of the people. The people believed; and when they heard that the LORD had given heed to the Israelites and that he had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped. Exodus 4:30-31
As we have journeyed through the wilderness of unemployment and wondering what our future might look like, I have learned something about acts of faith.
I tried to be at peace, trusting God's faithfulness to us, knowing that God would take care of us. But honestly, I see people at the hospital who it seems God may have abandoned. People without homes. People without transportation. People without money for health care who let their illnesses get far too serious before they seek medical help. I know it's society and not God who has abandoned them. Still, it was hard to see this everyday and keep hope.
At home, the crack our foundation (the house not our marriage) was worsening everyday. I worried about that. I worried about both of us being without jobs after August. I worried about everything, and then I beat myself up for worrying rather than having faith.
Then, I was reading Exodus (see above). The Israelites didn't really know the God who heard their cry, but they knew their ancestors had believed. They cried out and God heard. Many of the Psalms are written by someone who cried out to God from their misery. I learned that crying out in one's misery can be an act of faith.
So, I decided that I too must cry out to God in my misery. I had to lay all my fear and worry out honestly. It was the only act of faith I was capable of at the time. As I journaled my prayer, pouring out my heart, the phone rang. It was a call regarding a possibility for my future ministry. I'm not kidding. As I finally came before God in my true state, before I finished, the phone rang. I believed the Lord had given heed to my cry.
I still don't know what my ministry will look like, but I know God hears my cry.
Aaron spoke all the words that the LORD had spoken to Moses, and performed the signs in the sight of the people. The people believed; and when they heard that the LORD had given heed to the Israelites and that he had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped. Exodus 4:30-31
As we have journeyed through the wilderness of unemployment and wondering what our future might look like, I have learned something about acts of faith.
I tried to be at peace, trusting God's faithfulness to us, knowing that God would take care of us. But honestly, I see people at the hospital who it seems God may have abandoned. People without homes. People without transportation. People without money for health care who let their illnesses get far too serious before they seek medical help. I know it's society and not God who has abandoned them. Still, it was hard to see this everyday and keep hope.
At home, the crack our foundation (the house not our marriage) was worsening everyday. I worried about that. I worried about both of us being without jobs after August. I worried about everything, and then I beat myself up for worrying rather than having faith.
Then, I was reading Exodus (see above). The Israelites didn't really know the God who heard their cry, but they knew their ancestors had believed. They cried out and God heard. Many of the Psalms are written by someone who cried out to God from their misery. I learned that crying out in one's misery can be an act of faith.
So, I decided that I too must cry out to God in my misery. I had to lay all my fear and worry out honestly. It was the only act of faith I was capable of at the time. As I journaled my prayer, pouring out my heart, the phone rang. It was a call regarding a possibility for my future ministry. I'm not kidding. As I finally came before God in my true state, before I finished, the phone rang. I believed the Lord had given heed to my cry.
I still don't know what my ministry will look like, but I know God hears my cry.
Emerging from the Cocoon
Last Saturday, I realized that for over a week I had only been to work, home and maybe one other place. Then I got sick and spent Sunday and Monday in bed. On Monday, I was well enough to write my final evaluation for Unit 2 (of 4) of my CPE program. Thank goodness for laptops!
On Tuesday, we presented our final evaluations and finished mid-afternoon. As I was leaving in the warm sunshine, I felt as if I had emerged from a long period of darkness into beautiful daylight.
My heart was lighter. I was actually smiling spontaneously. Whatever had changed within, I felt like rejoicing.
On Tuesday, we presented our final evaluations and finished mid-afternoon. As I was leaving in the warm sunshine, I felt as if I had emerged from a long period of darkness into beautiful daylight.
My heart was lighter. I was actually smiling spontaneously. Whatever had changed within, I felt like rejoicing.
Ash Wednesday
I assisted with the imposition of ashes to hospital patients and staff all day long on Wednesday, but I did not have ashes imposed on my forehead. I knew that I would be worshiping at my church that evening, and I waited until I could be the recipient rather than the carrier of God's grace.
Work at the hospital has kept me from my church for the last two Sundays. As the service began, it felt so good to just sit back and soak in the atmosphere.
As the service progressed, the readings and prayer of repentance became more than words. They spoke to and from my heart. The violin and guitar duet played The Lord's Prayer, and tears rolled down my face. I could truly pray, "Thy will be done." I confessed my weak faith and asked God's forgiveness. When the ashes were placed on my forehead, I knew I had experienced grace.
Work at the hospital has kept me from my church for the last two Sundays. As the service began, it felt so good to just sit back and soak in the atmosphere.
As the service progressed, the readings and prayer of repentance became more than words. They spoke to and from my heart. The violin and guitar duet played The Lord's Prayer, and tears rolled down my face. I could truly pray, "Thy will be done." I confessed my weak faith and asked God's forgiveness. When the ashes were placed on my forehead, I knew I had experienced grace.
Acts of Faith: Taking a Bath
After the Ash Wednesday Service, I went home and took a bath. Now for many of you this would seem routine, but for me it was an act of faith. I was doing something normal, no something special as a treat for myself. I could lay in the tub and read a novel, warming the water twice over. I could do something other than worry for the first time in a long time. The peace I had so longed for had come.
On Thursday, Gifted & Talented received the job offer.
On Thursday, Gifted & Talented received the job offer.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Ministry Moments
Okay, the title of this blog is Ministry Moments and Other Mid-Life Musings. Lately it's been more my life musings and less ministry moments. So here goes.
In the last 72 hours I have cared for five families dealing with death or imminent death of a loved one. All of these are too early deaths, unexpected deaths. Each family dealt with their loss in a different way and required a different approach to pastoral care. However, they all had one common link- the ministry of presence. That I was there, that someone cared, made a difference.
When you think you can't make a difference, just be there.
In the last 72 hours I have cared for five families dealing with death or imminent death of a loved one. All of these are too early deaths, unexpected deaths. Each family dealt with their loss in a different way and required a different approach to pastoral care. However, they all had one common link- the ministry of presence. That I was there, that someone cared, made a difference.
When you think you can't make a difference, just be there.
No News
I really don't have much to report, but I haven't blogged in a few days and I want to keep up the habit. So here's the non-news and prayer requests.
There is no news on the job front. We are all a little discouraged. Prayers for encouragement and peace will be appreciated.
manBoy made his class choices. I'm grieving that he is giving up band, but if his heart isn't fully in it he will be miserable. He made his decision Saturday, and was still at peace with it this morning. So, prayers of thanksgiving for that.
I have a meeting tomorrow Feb. 6 to explore a far away possibility. Please pray for discernment.
House repairs on hold until foundation company comes on Feb. 15th.
Lord Jesus, fill us with your peace. Amen.
There is no news on the job front. We are all a little discouraged. Prayers for encouragement and peace will be appreciated.
manBoy made his class choices. I'm grieving that he is giving up band, but if his heart isn't fully in it he will be miserable. He made his decision Saturday, and was still at peace with it this morning. So, prayers of thanksgiving for that.
I have a meeting tomorrow Feb. 6 to explore a far away possibility. Please pray for discernment.
House repairs on hold until foundation company comes on Feb. 15th.
Lord Jesus, fill us with your peace. Amen.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
The Future is Here
I am NOT ready to be the mother of a high school student. I know it's coming, but this is JUST January. Why are we talking to high school counselors now? Why do course selections that will affect the next four years have to be decided on in less than a week's time? Why do we have to think about this when we don't even know where we will be living when school starts next year?
We went to the High School Expo to learn about electives and guess what? manBoy wants to do everything! Decisions are so hard.
On another note, G&T has found some training he would dearly love to take. The question is how to pay for it and pay the bills.
Okay, I know I'm whining, but I just want to whine a little. A person can only take so much emotional change without a brief outburst every now and then.
Oh Lord, there are so many decisions facing us. Guide our hearts and minds. Lead us in your will. Show us where and how we can be your servants. Bless us with the peace of your spirit. Amen.
We went to the High School Expo to learn about electives and guess what? manBoy wants to do everything! Decisions are so hard.
On another note, G&T has found some training he would dearly love to take. The question is how to pay for it and pay the bills.
Okay, I know I'm whining, but I just want to whine a little. A person can only take so much emotional change without a brief outburst every now and then.
Oh Lord, there are so many decisions facing us. Guide our hearts and minds. Lead us in your will. Show us where and how we can be your servants. Bless us with the peace of your spirit. Amen.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Hope, Grief, and a Child's Wisdom
First, the hope. I briefly spoke about the blank canvas in an earlier post. In the past few weeks I have struggled to fight back tears at the sense of being about 1" tall standing on the corner of a 4' by 4' blank canvas. I had no picture of what the future looks like and no idea which way to turn. Now I am wondering if it is possible that the canvas had to be blank before we would or could think about possibilities that are far from anything we had imagined before the layoff? I don't want to say much, just that we are broadening our thinking some.
Second, the grief. We are beginning to do the things that must be done before we put our house on the market. It is likely that we would need to do this in the coming months even if G&T was still employed, but still it is sad. I love this house. I love the way we are when we are in it. Three comfortable cozy bears enjoying our life together. I have always wanted our home to be a refuge, and I didn't realize how much it has become that. I have to trust that we can recreate that wherever we wind up.
Words of Wisdom from a Child: This morning's children's message was about the importance of putting down good roots in scripture, worship, and prayer. One of the children commented that the roots of a plant allows it to grow both in the sunshine and in the cold. Deep thoughts for this mid-life rookie who seems to be trying to grow in the cold right now.
Second, the grief. We are beginning to do the things that must be done before we put our house on the market. It is likely that we would need to do this in the coming months even if G&T was still employed, but still it is sad. I love this house. I love the way we are when we are in it. Three comfortable cozy bears enjoying our life together. I have always wanted our home to be a refuge, and I didn't realize how much it has become that. I have to trust that we can recreate that wherever we wind up.
Words of Wisdom from a Child: This morning's children's message was about the importance of putting down good roots in scripture, worship, and prayer. One of the children commented that the roots of a plant allows it to grow both in the sunshine and in the cold. Deep thoughts for this mid-life rookie who seems to be trying to grow in the cold right now.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Is It Me???
What do you think?
I admit, I tried more than once. I rejected the names that included largebottom and dejected because they were too close to home.
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I admit, I tried more than once. I rejected the names that included largebottom and dejected because they were too close to home.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Friday Five: Renewal
RevGalBlogPals meme of the week: List four ways you like to relax or give yourself a break. Then name a fifth, something you've never been able to do, a self-care dream.
What only four? Not enough! I can think of several, but don't ask me how long it's been since I did some of them.
1. Listen to Gifted & Talented and several of our friends play guitar and many other stringed instruments at very informal gatherings.
2. Read a trashy novel. When I was in my seminary classes, I would take the day following my last final for a semester to read one or more Nora Roberts (aka JD Robb) or some other light reading that was anything but theology. I also like Jan Karon, but I don't consider those trashy.
3. Bath. Long. Deep. Hot.
4. Swing in a hammock or rock in a rocker. I'm all about the motion.
5. Talk on the phone with family and friends or read the blogs of cyberfriends.
6. PJs. Blankie. Sofa. Hot Chocolate. Munchies. Good Movie.
7. Beach time.
My dream: Take a whole weekend or any two days to be completely alone. I went from my college dorm to marriage. I never have more than a few hours alone at a time. However, being more of an extrovert, I imagine 2 days would be enough.
What only four? Not enough! I can think of several, but don't ask me how long it's been since I did some of them.
1. Listen to Gifted & Talented and several of our friends play guitar and many other stringed instruments at very informal gatherings.
2. Read a trashy novel. When I was in my seminary classes, I would take the day following my last final for a semester to read one or more Nora Roberts (aka JD Robb) or some other light reading that was anything but theology. I also like Jan Karon, but I don't consider those trashy.
3. Bath. Long. Deep. Hot.
4. Swing in a hammock or rock in a rocker. I'm all about the motion.
5. Talk on the phone with family and friends or read the blogs of cyberfriends.
6. PJs. Blankie. Sofa. Hot Chocolate. Munchies. Good Movie.
7. Beach time.
My dream: Take a whole weekend or any two days to be completely alone. I went from my college dorm to marriage. I never have more than a few hours alone at a time. However, being more of an extrovert, I imagine 2 days would be enough.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Waiting
Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:27-31 NRSV
I used to teach my special needs students (and my son when he was very young) what waiting looked like. Waiting is an abstract concept that we expect concrete thinking children to grasp. So, I tried to make it more concrete. Waiting most often looked like drumming one's fingers on one's lap or table... Sometimes it looked like twiddling thumbs.
As I read the above scripture today, I wondered, "What does waiting look like for followers of God?" To wait is more than to sit back and see what comes. To wait is to expect that something will happen. Even the motions I taught the children imply expectation. To wait for God is to expect that God will act, or is acting and will reveal. To wait is to hope.
Hope has been in short supply around our house lately. We don't have high expectations for the corporate world, and admittedly we are reserved in our trust in the appointment system that will have to make an exception around my CPE schedule. As I contemplate today's reading, I realize we are hoping (or not hoping) for the wrong thing. We are hoping for the right job, the right appointment... What we need to be waiting expectantly for is God - for the revealing of God's action in our lives - in this situation.
Part of my struggle with hope these last few weeks has been that there was no "future story" to picture. The canvas before us seems blank. I can, however, wait expectantly for God's revealing. I can hold onto that hope - with God's help, by God's grace.
God of love and light, show me what waiting looks like. Help me wait faithfully. Amen.
I used to teach my special needs students (and my son when he was very young) what waiting looked like. Waiting is an abstract concept that we expect concrete thinking children to grasp. So, I tried to make it more concrete. Waiting most often looked like drumming one's fingers on one's lap or table... Sometimes it looked like twiddling thumbs.
As I read the above scripture today, I wondered, "What does waiting look like for followers of God?" To wait is more than to sit back and see what comes. To wait is to expect that something will happen. Even the motions I taught the children imply expectation. To wait for God is to expect that God will act, or is acting and will reveal. To wait is to hope.
Hope has been in short supply around our house lately. We don't have high expectations for the corporate world, and admittedly we are reserved in our trust in the appointment system that will have to make an exception around my CPE schedule. As I contemplate today's reading, I realize we are hoping (or not hoping) for the wrong thing. We are hoping for the right job, the right appointment... What we need to be waiting expectantly for is God - for the revealing of God's action in our lives - in this situation.
Part of my struggle with hope these last few weeks has been that there was no "future story" to picture. The canvas before us seems blank. I can, however, wait expectantly for God's revealing. I can hold onto that hope - with God's help, by God's grace.
God of love and light, show me what waiting looks like. Help me wait faithfully. Amen.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Alone at Last
One of the advantages of G&T's unemployment is he's home a lot. One of the disadvantages of G&T's unemployment is he's home a lot. This evening I have a blessed 3 hours home alone while the boys are off at a church youth event. First, I read a few blogs. Next I had some quiet time of reading and reflection. While the meat thaws for the chili I'm going to cook, I'll fill you in on my reflections.
I was reading the last few chapters of Acts. Paul tells the story of his conversion again. I started thinking, "Why can't I have a big honkin' message from God right about now?" It would sure help to get a little scoop on what's coming. Maybe it's because I haven't slowed down and shut up long enough to hear anything. Now shutting up is easier said than done for me because I think in words, actually in paragraphs. So even when it's quiet and I have music with no lyrics playing in the earbuds (directly into my brain), I still have ongoing monologue in my head. Soooo, that's not working I'll try another tactic. I'll be Paul. This often works for me. Imagining myself in the story. While I don't often see pictures in my head, I can imagine being somewhere; what it feels and even looks like. Here's what happened:
I'm Paul, well really I'm me walking quickly and sternly along the road prepared to wipe out the bad guys (unemployment). I look stern. I walk with purpose. The people with me have to hustle to keep up. They don't quite understand my fierce determination, but they stick with me anyway. Then it happens. I'm knocked to the ground. Literally, I don't know what hit me but I know I'm on the ground, I can feel it under my elbow and my hip. It's hard. It hurts. All I can see is light. Not a light, but light - all around me. Not harsh or blinding, but beautiful, warm love. The light is between me and everything else. If I stood back up, I wouldn't know which way to step. Hey this is great, here comes the message _______________________________ Nothing. Light's still there, but no message, no voice. All I can do is lay on the ground surrounded by this wonderful light. Well perhaps this is where I need to stay for a while. Laying on the ground, not in the dark of despair and wondering, but in the warm light of faith. I still don't know anymore about what's coming, but somehow I'm in a better place.
Thank you Lord for your presence in my life, in this world. Amen
I was reading the last few chapters of Acts. Paul tells the story of his conversion again. I started thinking, "Why can't I have a big honkin' message from God right about now?" It would sure help to get a little scoop on what's coming. Maybe it's because I haven't slowed down and shut up long enough to hear anything. Now shutting up is easier said than done for me because I think in words, actually in paragraphs. So even when it's quiet and I have music with no lyrics playing in the earbuds (directly into my brain), I still have ongoing monologue in my head. Soooo, that's not working I'll try another tactic. I'll be Paul. This often works for me. Imagining myself in the story. While I don't often see pictures in my head, I can imagine being somewhere; what it feels and even looks like. Here's what happened:
I'm Paul, well really I'm me walking quickly and sternly along the road prepared to wipe out the bad guys (unemployment). I look stern. I walk with purpose. The people with me have to hustle to keep up. They don't quite understand my fierce determination, but they stick with me anyway. Then it happens. I'm knocked to the ground. Literally, I don't know what hit me but I know I'm on the ground, I can feel it under my elbow and my hip. It's hard. It hurts. All I can see is light. Not a light, but light - all around me. Not harsh or blinding, but beautiful, warm love. The light is between me and everything else. If I stood back up, I wouldn't know which way to step. Hey this is great, here comes the message _______________________________ Nothing. Light's still there, but no message, no voice. All I can do is lay on the ground surrounded by this wonderful light. Well perhaps this is where I need to stay for a while. Laying on the ground, not in the dark of despair and wondering, but in the warm light of faith. I still don't know anymore about what's coming, but somehow I'm in a better place.
Thank you Lord for your presence in my life, in this world. Amen
Friday, January 19, 2007
Badda Bing Badda Boom Friday Five
Reverend Mother at RevGalBlogPals writes: It's been a very full, busy week. Here's the F5, short and sweet.
The questions are simple, the answers unlimited. Go!
Who: My hubby of 26 years, Gifted & Talented (G&T), for whom I am so grateful.
What: Faithfully searching for a job and trying hard to keep his spirits up.
When: Since November 16th
Where: Suburbia, USA
Why: Because the *#!* company downsized, because God has a plan for us, just because...
Bonus - How: By the grace of God and the love of friends and family
The questions are simple, the answers unlimited. Go!
Who: My hubby of 26 years, Gifted & Talented (G&T), for whom I am so grateful.
What: Faithfully searching for a job and trying hard to keep his spirits up.
When: Since November 16th
Where: Suburbia, USA
Why: Because the *#!* company downsized, because God has a plan for us, just because...
Bonus - How: By the grace of God and the love of friends and family
Discipleship Denied?
Then Jesus told his disciples, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?
Matthew 16:24-26, NRSV.
We read these words from a post-Easter perspective. I wonder what the disciples might have thought when they heard them. Taking up the cross meant death, giving up one's life. Jesus was asking a great deal! Already, these men (and women) had left their homes, their livelihoods, their lifestyles to follow a man who was somehow different from the others. Now, he asked them to be willing to give their very lives.
Today, when you ask someone about their life, they will most likely tell you about their family, or their job, or their home, and maybe even about their church. In otherwords, their lifestyle.
As I ponder this radical call to discipleship in relation to our current situation, I wonder what are we being called to deny- to give up. We have so much. How far will God ask us to go? I see people who have nothing but what they wear and can carry in a plastic bag everyday. How far am I willing to go? Do I have the strength of faith or desire to follow enough to leave all of it behind? Is that what it would take for me to learn to lean only on God and not on things or my own intelligence and strength of will?
Lord, create in me a heart that desires only to follow you. Amen.
Matthew 16:24-26, NRSV.
We read these words from a post-Easter perspective. I wonder what the disciples might have thought when they heard them. Taking up the cross meant death, giving up one's life. Jesus was asking a great deal! Already, these men (and women) had left their homes, their livelihoods, their lifestyles to follow a man who was somehow different from the others. Now, he asked them to be willing to give their very lives.
Today, when you ask someone about their life, they will most likely tell you about their family, or their job, or their home, and maybe even about their church. In otherwords, their lifestyle.
As I ponder this radical call to discipleship in relation to our current situation, I wonder what are we being called to deny- to give up. We have so much. How far will God ask us to go? I see people who have nothing but what they wear and can carry in a plastic bag everyday. How far am I willing to go? Do I have the strength of faith or desire to follow enough to leave all of it behind? Is that what it would take for me to learn to lean only on God and not on things or my own intelligence and strength of will?
Lord, create in me a heart that desires only to follow you. Amen.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Hiding from the World
I haven't blogged in a long time. I'm not sure why. I can't seem to get the energy to write. I had a cold from Christmas Eve until New Year's Day and beyond. I spent most of the week at home drinking hot tea and blowing my nose. I had a few days off from the hospital, and I retreated into the cocoon of our house. I didn't email and rarely watched the news. Our family needed this down time together. We watched lots of movies and ate junky snacks. It was a great break from the world outside our door; the world of the hospital where I see so much suffering everyday, the world of unemployment where our future hangs in the big unknown. It was also a time of self-centeredness or at least self-focus and yes a little self-pity.
The problem comes in returning to the world. In being a part of everyone else's life - both joys and sufferings. While we were hiding away, the world went on. People came and went from the hospital. Babies were born to great rejoicing and difficult diagnoses were made. Being a part of the world takes so much energy.
At the same time I am constantly reminded of the blessings we have: the home where we find retreat, two cars in good running condition, our health. Yesterday, I heard about one of my co-worker's nephew who at 22 months is beginnning chemo treatments. I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for.
Oh Lord, open my eyes and my heart to the blessings that surround me. Give me energy and enthusiasm to meet the needs I face each day. Guide my steps, my thoughts, my words. Be present with me, Lord. Amen.
The problem comes in returning to the world. In being a part of everyone else's life - both joys and sufferings. While we were hiding away, the world went on. People came and went from the hospital. Babies were born to great rejoicing and difficult diagnoses were made. Being a part of the world takes so much energy.
At the same time I am constantly reminded of the blessings we have: the home where we find retreat, two cars in good running condition, our health. Yesterday, I heard about one of my co-worker's nephew who at 22 months is beginnning chemo treatments. I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for.
Oh Lord, open my eyes and my heart to the blessings that surround me. Give me energy and enthusiasm to meet the needs I face each day. Guide my steps, my thoughts, my words. Be present with me, Lord. Amen.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Blog Silence
No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth or into deep depression. I've just been busy caring for my family and trying to catch up on my CPE assignments. The busy-ness of the season with social, church, and middle school commitments has kept me away from the computer. That and the fact that manBoy has been working on his Science Fair report (on the computer). He had a good birthday celebration this week and was thrilled to receive his first electric shaver. My baby is certainly growing up.
Job update: G&T is looking. We have gotten finances in order so we're okay for a while. We've had many, many blessings poured on us from friends, loved ones, and strangers. I'll blog about that later.
More blogging soon I hope. Science Fair project almost complete, CPE assignments are almost caught up.
Job update: G&T is looking. We have gotten finances in order so we're okay for a while. We've had many, many blessings poured on us from friends, loved ones, and strangers. I'll blog about that later.
More blogging soon I hope. Science Fair project almost complete, CPE assignments are almost caught up.
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