Dealing with Disappointment

Exodus 17:1-6 From the wilderness of Sin the whole congregation of the Israelites journeyed by stages, as the LORD commanded. They camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink. 2 The people quarreled with Moses, and said, "Give us water to drink." Moses said to them, "Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you test the LORD?" 3 But the people thirsted there for water; and the people complained against Moses and said, "Why did you bring us out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and livestock with thirst?" 4 So Moses cried out to the LORD, "What shall I do with this people? They are almost ready to stone me." 5 The LORD said to Moses, "Go on ahead of the people, and take some of the elders of Israel with you; take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. 6 I will be standing there in front of you on the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it, so that the people may drink." Moses did so, in the sight of the elders of Israel.

Last week, manBoy called on the first full day of running camp to say he had sprained his ankle. I could tell that he was mad at himself and disappointed. I did not hear from him again until the last day. I fretted all week that he was probably having a miserable time not being able to run at running camp. When we picked him up at the airport, his ankle was wrapped, and no he had not been able to run for the rest of the week. He, however, was not in a bad mood. He had still managed to have fun at running camp while he learned about running technique and injury care... He had dealt with his disappointment far better than I had.

Yesterday, manBoy learned that one of his Cross Country teammates has broken his femur. He will miss the entire Cross Country and Band Marching seasons during his senior year. In addition, this may affect his post graduation plans which include an institute of higher learning that requires excellent physical condition. (I'll let you figure that one out.)

As I consider the deep disappointment this young man must be facing, I now see the value in manBoy's experience. We need to live through these small disappointments so we know we can make it through the big ones. While I hope manBoy never has to face a life plan changing disappointment, odds are he will.

The above passage shows us that even when we are cranky about life not going the way we planned, God is with us. Thank heaven for that!

Loving God, help us know that you are with us in life's ups and downs. Amen.

Sigh of Comfort

AC replaced. House cool and quiet! Nice!

No word from manBoy since Tuesday, but I'm not stressin' They will call if he's seriously hurt. Otherwise, hope he's having fun - if you can do that at a camp for running.

Worry Update

manBoy called. He doesn't have cell service out at camp but they had come into town. I had managed to get more peaceful until his call. The sad news is he has hurt his ankle. Please pray for speedy recovery so he can get a little running in at running camp! Thanks to all of you.

NEWER UPDATE:
I got to talk to him again while they were still in town. He says when he first hurt it, he could only walk on his toes. Now he can walk on his whole foot with some pain. I think getting better is a good sign. If it was serious, it would be getting worse. He says the terrain is much rougher than he's used to running on. He actually hurt it going across camp, not on a run. I told him to ask if they could stop at a pharmacy so he can buy ankle braces.
Thanks for holding my hand even if it is in cyberspace.

Worry Wart

I could use some prayer. My worry button is being overworked this week and I need you to pray that I will be able to pray the prayer of relinquishment.

The last I heard from manBoy he was in town of flight destination in the vehicle with one of the coaches going from the airport to the universtiy they were meeting up with all the runners. I've had no word that he got to neigboring state with mountains where high altitude running camp takes place. I worry about several issues, but mostly I just want to know he got there okay.

I know that my worries are exacerbated by the gazillion of dollars we are about to spend to replace our entire AC unit ducts and all, and by the fact that we are living in a small part of our house and in a lot of noise (Window units are loud). Being an auditory learner, constant noise is exhausting for me.

In the meantime, my sister who lives just 25 miles north of Galveston has evacuated with her two daughters and her dog to my Mom's house. I haven't checked the trajectory on Edouard this morning. Her husband is still down there. We also need to keep Quotidian Grace and Zorro in our prayers for this event.

My prayers have been of the frantic nature, not the faithful trusting kind. So if you guys could send up some prayers for peace for me and for safety for my family, I would really appreciate it.

Up Up and Away

Well, I had hoped for something deeper and more inspiring than potty humor for my 150th post, but that is not to be. Perhaps I'll be 12 today.
manBoy flew out to running camp this morning. It's the first time he's flown alone and I was nervous, more about the fact that he was being met at the other end by someone we've never met.

The announcements for his flight went like this.
Boarding for flight xxxx will be delayed. We have maintenance crew aboard the aircraft. (Not comforting).

15 minutes later: Boarding for flight xxxx has be moved to gate y and will be delayed. We have maintenance aboard this aircraft. Please listen for further anouncements. (Inconvenient and still not comforting.)

15 minutes later: Attention passengers on flight xxxx, the lavatory on this aircraft is not functioning. Please use airport facilities before you board.(Well at least we hope that's the only maintenace issue.)

Finally: Boarding for xxxx at gate y has begun. We will board all groups at once due to the delay. Flight left 40 minutes after scheduled departure.

Fortunately, it's only a 1 hour flight. He met the right person and camp adventure has begun.

Checking in with statistics

-Number of totally dead air conditioner units - 1.
-Number of people sleeping in oven like temps last night - 3
-High temperature on back patio thermometer 111.
-High temperature on interior thermostat 94.
-Number of window AC units purchased and installed so we can live in 1/3 of our house for the next 5 days until new AC unit installed - 2.
-Degrees cooler in cooled rooms - many but not measurable at this time.
-Number of musical instruments hauled to neighbor's house for cool keeping - 8
-Record time for sprinting through hot section between cooled areas - 2 seconds
-Number of prayers of gratitude that we have the ability to find a temporary solution - many but probably not enough.
-Prayers lifted for those suffering in heat without AC many. Window units will be donated as soon as new AC is installed.
-Number of posts to get to 150 - 1
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Friday Five: Lock Me Out, Lock Me In

Songbird posts the following Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals.

For some reason, Blogger declared this blog possible SPAM and locked us down yesterday. This morning, we're free to post again, but there was a fair amount of excitement last night among our contributors, who found a dire notice on their Blogger dashboards threatening that this blog might be deleted in 20 days!We requested a blog review, and I posted a request at the Blogger Help group, where I found we were not alone. Many other perfectly nourishing and cromulent blogs got the same notice last night.This turned out to be a very small barricade in our blogging community life, but it seemed appropriate to explore locks and blocks and other barriers this week. Also, I liked the picture of the security team above! Could they be Blogger's Spam Prevention Robots, working overtime?In honor of their efforts, I bring you the "Lock Me Out, Lock Me In" Friday Five.

1) How do you amuse yourself when road construction blocks your travel?
I make use of my bluetooth earpiece and cellphone to catch up with friends or family. Here in big city one often doesn't see what has caused the traffic delay because usually it's cleared up by the time you get up to the source. I think that's a metaphor that might preach, or at least have practical application in life.

2) Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? (And do you keep an extra key somewhere, just in case?)
We don't use the key to our house much as we go through the garage. We have an external entry method if the remote dies, but if the electricity goes out, we're in a mell of a hess.
Once a long time ago, we arrived home late one night to find the door between the garage and house locked and G&T had not brought the "big set of keys"- you know the ones with the house key. As I was musing whether it would be cheaper to get a hotel room and call a locksmith in the morning, G&T busted through the door. Replacing the door and bits of frame cost more than a hotel room and lock smith would have. I'm just sayin.

3) Have you ever cleared a hurdle? (And if you haven't flown over a material hurdle, feel free to take this one metaphorically.)
I haven't ever run hurdles, but manBoy does. I always watch with my eyes half closed. I figure if he's still on his feet at the finish line all is good. He of course is always pushing for faster time, better stride...

I've lived not quite a half century so yes, I've cleared many metaphorical hurdles. I can't think of a specific one to discuss right now. In fact, much of the way I function is to figure out ways over, under, around hurdles. I also can anticipate many hurdles and plan ahead for them. One of my favorite stories in the Bible is that of Abigail (I Samuel 25) a great problem solver. The problem with my liking that story is God isn't mentioned. I tend to try to find ways over, under, around hurdles on my own power. Not a good idea.

4) What's your approach to a mental block?
I read blogs or play word games or solitaire on the computer. Synapses firing while other stuff works in the background. The problem comes when I play toooooooo long.

5) Suggest a caption for the picture above; there will be a prize for the funniest answer!
Secretly in the night, she quietly placed the warning men in front of the chocolate factory. Not because of the inherent danger of chocolate, but so she could have it all to herself.
Or
Stop! Do. Not. Take. One. More. Step. Stop! We mean it! If you come any closer we will shuffle over and headbutt you with out little plastic hardhats.

Getting to Know You

Psalm 139:1-10
O LORD, you have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away.
3 You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue, O LORD, you know it completely.
5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast.

John 10:14-15 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep.

John 14:6-9 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him." 8 Philip said to him, "Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied." 9 Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'?

I commented in my last post that our reunion didn't really give us a chance to get to know each other beyond a surface level. So for my message at the office Communion Service this morning, I did a Bible Software search for the word "know." The above passages are the one's I chose for today's message. I asked myself what does it take to really know and be known by someone - by God?

In the workshops I've been hosting, I've been learning that one way to build connections is to share stories. I believe there are two elements to sharing our stories that help us connect. The first being willing to be vulnerable - to open ourselves to the other or to God. It takes courage to share our inner selves with our closest friends much less with mere acquaintances. Our social standards have a continuum of intimacy and we are uncomfortable when someone is open and vulnerable to a degree beyond what the social situation calls for. At the same time, I think we can carry about us an demeanor of openess without actually making others uncomfortable. They can know we are willing to look at and expose our weaknesses without us having to do so in great detail and scaring people off.

As we consider our relationship with God, there comes a time when we must also be willing to be vulnerable. Psalm 139 tells us that God knows us inside and out, so why is it important that we be willing to share our failures, fears, and joys with God? Because as long as we keep a wall of pretense up between us and God, we are missing out on the greatest intimate relationship available. We open our hearts to God not for God's sake, but for our own sake.

The second part of sharing our stories comes in deep listening. Hearing what is said and what is not said. We only know other people when we truly listen to their stories, taking them into ourselves. I love the wonderful hymn, "Tell Me the Stories of Jesus." I'll admit, I'm a Bible nerd. I love to feel the weight in my hand, to read even one or two verses and just sit with them hearing God's word to me, feeling it seep in to my pores. There is wisdom in "Be still and know that I am God."

God of Love, Let me know you and be known by you. Use me as you will to make yourself known to others. Amen.

Reunion Ramblings

While I have lots of things on my to do list today, these thoughts keep walking around in my head clamoring to be released.

MY LIFE IS GOOD
This weekend reminded me of the many, many blessings I live in daily. I visited with people whose financial success far exceeds ours, people whose life experiences have been broader, people who have traveled far and wide, people who have avoided big city influences and found peace in their hometown - in other words people whose lives for one reason or another might appear better than mine. But, when I consider it all, I wouldn't trade my life for any of them. Life is good and I have much for which to be grateful. Just to list a few, my loving husband who supports me in countless ways, our son who is all in all a great kid and a pleasure to be around most of the time (which is more than one can ask of a teeenager), my big, soft bed, my pillows (which I forgot to pack), and greatest of all knowledge of God's steadfast love for me.

LIVING ON THE SURFACE - WADING INTO THE DEEP
This weekend I had conversations with people I hadn't seen in 10, 20, or 30 years. We all exchanged the basic information - where we live, are we married, do we have kids, what we do with our time. All very surface interactions. A few were genuinely intrigued or interested by my new role as clergywoman, but no one there had time to get any inkling of who I really am now. And by the same measure, I learned little about the real people under the surface. I'm wondering if that's all that much different than 30 years ago. I imagine that few of my classmates were aware that my home was filled with conflict and strife through out my high school years. My parents separated (a good thing) the week I left for college. I wonder if even my closest group of friends knew how much pain I carried within me at all times or why.

As I looked across the room at the dinner dance on Saturday night, I wondered how much pain was hidden beneath the surface of all those conversations that went, "How are you doing? Oh, I'm great!"' Who was struggling with illness, damaged marriages, troubled teens? It just didn't seem to be the time or the place to share one's struggles or even one's deeper feelings. In most conversations, the fact that I had anwered the call to ministry was discussed in light of career change rather than in terms of call and spirituality. I admit I contributed to that. It felt like words like "call" and "God" might give people the creeps. So, I am guilty of keeping all my conversations strictly at surface level. I don't know how I could have done otherwise, but I know I didn't listen deep enough.

CONNECTIONS
In spite of the surface nature of our interactions, I truely believe many of us felt genuinely connected to the others. It seems our class had a bond beyond common experience. Perhaps that bond has continued because several of the natural leaders have maintained contact with each over the years.

WHAT YOU DO MATTERS
One conversation was with a woman who like me wasn't part of the "in" group back in high school. As she introduced me to her signficant other, her comment about me was, "She was one of the ones who would talk to me." Now I have to tell you, I didn't make a conscious effort to make sure everyone felt included back then. It's something I do now, but not as a teenager. I talked to her because she was there to talk to. Who knew that something like that would matter? Be aware. What you do makes a difference.

I'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY - but I've still got a way to go.
While my understanding of my own and everyone else's value as a human being has grown and changed over time, it was really easy to fall back into expecting the same social strata to be in effect with me near the bottom. It's amazing how ingrained old patterns of thinking and reacting can be.

Lord, Thank you for the blessings you have poured on my life and for this reminder of them. Show me Lord how and what I can learn from this experience. Forgive me for opportunities missed and show me the blessings I overlooked from this weekend. Amen.

Tomorrow...

I leave to go to my 30 year high school reunion. On the class website where quite a few of us have posted our "Where are they now?" info, we all keep asking, "How the h -e- hockey sticks did we get this old?" It's been interesting to read other's stories. Somehow I expected all those pretty, popular kids to get through life without changing and without facing difficulties. I'm not surprised by my life and changes (well the Rev. in front of my name still is a little surprising), but I expect them to have stayed the same - same personalities, same looks. It's an interesting phenomenon. We'll see how it goes at the reunion. I saw quite a few of them 10 years ago, but somehow this one makes us all more on an even keel. Lots of them have grown children and grandchildren. Again, it should be interesting.

On another note, I will be one of three clergypersons leading a memorial service for our classmates who have died (43 of 500 that we know of). I've been debating what to wear - men clergy never have this issue. The other two clergy persons are Catholic priests. What to wear isn't an issue for them. Today at Dogblogger's suggestion, I looked for a dark suit. I found a black one that fits for only $20!!!! It will be perfect. Not high quality, but not planning for it to fit for too long. My mom hates me to wear black as it's not my best color. Mom, it's a memorial service and the other two clergy will be wearing collars. This is what I need to wear.

Gifted and Talented is as I type working on "Friends are Friends Forever" by Michael W. Smith. He will play it during the powerpoint showing the yearbook pics of our classmates who have died.

Well, I'll post next week and let you know how this meeting up with my past goes.

More of the Journey

This morning, I went to the consecration service for the three new bishops in our jurisdiction. One of them was my District Superintendent when I first answered my call to ordained ministry. Another will be our bishop come September. I met him and his wife at the reception following. His wife is blind and leaders in the conference have already told her about the newly (6 months ago) formed Disability Concerns Committee I started and now co-chair. She and I will have lunch after they get here to learn how we can incorporate some of the programs she's done elsewhere into our conference. Tell me again why I wonder about whether I'm supposed to be where I am and doing what I'm doing????

Friday Five: What's In A Name?

REVHROD posts at RevGalBlogPals:

If you are a regular reader of Songbird's blog, you know that "The Princess" has requested a new name. Her older brother changed his "secret identity" a while back and now this lovely young lady is searching for a new name on her mother's blog. This got me to thinking. How do we come up with all of these names? There must be at least a few good stories out there.

In honor of the Princess I have posted a picture of one of my favorite members of fictional royalty, Robert Munch's "Paperbag Princess." She is a brave young woman who doesn't need anyone else to fight her battles. And she knows that what is most important isn't tiaras and finery but what's on the inside. If you haven't read this little fairy tale, I highly recommend it.

But I digress.
1. So how did you come up with your blogging name? And/or the name of your blog?

My blogging name comes from the fact that after teaching for 20 years and being comfortable in what I did, I left to start seminary in my early forties. Since then I have done many new things and find myself in the rookie position often. It is a very different feeling being new to something at mid-life after years of being the expert. It is humbling and scary and exciting.

2. Are there any code names or secret identities in your blog? Any stories there?

Gifted & Talented (G&T) is my husband of almost 28 years. He plays guitar and other stringed instruments and sings very well. He is also incredibly handy around the house. He has an amazing knack for knowing how to fix stuff. Since his personality is much quieter than mine, his talents are often sleepers that people only discover when they get close to him or get hear his music in church. His family of origin often doesn't realize how gifted he is, so I try to tell him, but not often enough.

manBoy or perhaps soon to be ManBoy is our son. He grew early and has been taller than 5'10" since the summer before 8th grade. He has been a boy in a man's body. This summer I see him growing and maturing in new ways and becoming a wonderful young man (who still aggravates me to no end on occasion). There are lots of stories about how manBoy came into our lives at two days old through adoption with less than 24 hours notice. We are blessed to have him with us.

3. What are some blog titles that you just love? For their cleverness, drama, or sheer, crazy fun?
There are so many creative ones. A couple that I read are Skewed View and Bits and Odd Pieces of Mindy's Kingdom . I came across this one on RevGals but haven't had a chance to read it: Clever Titles Need Not Apply I liked that one because I couldn't think of a clever title for my blog.

4. What three blogs are you devoted to? Other than the RevGalBlogPals of course!

See my sidebar. Can't pick just three.

5. Who introduced you to the world of blogging and why?

The Typist over at Dog and God suggested I read reverendmommy because she was doing a CPE just before I started a year long CPE. The Typist also pointed me to RevGalBlogPals!

Bonus question: Have you ever met any of your blogging friends? Where are some of the places you've met these fun folks?

I met all the lovely ladies listed under BE Blog Friends in my sidebar. The original Big Event was great fun and spiritually renewing. I hope you will make plans to attend BE 2.0 next Spring. Details coming soon!

I have heard

not. one. word from manBoy while he's been on mission trip this week. No text, no calls, nothin. Dogblogger says The Alpha who is chaperoning and leading the work crews hasn't mentioned manBoy at all when he calls. This morning is their last work day, then they do some fun things. He'll be home late Saturday afternoon. I'm assuming no news is good news. I do miss him though.

Decisions, Decisions

Then they prayed and said, ‘Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which one of these two you have chosen to take the place in this ministry and apostleship from which Judas turned aside to go to his own place.’ And they cast lots for them, and the lot fell on Matthias; and he was added to the eleven apostles. Acts 1:24-26

This week United Methodist Jurisdictional Conferences will be held all over the United States. The main order of business will be to elect new Bishops to fill vacancies left by the retirement or death of previous Bishops. Lots of people in our conference office are involved in jurisdictional conference here. As I prepared for leading worship this morning here at the office, I looked for a story that would parallel. What I found was Acts 1:15-25 where the 11 apostles fill the vacancy left by Judas. The words that jumped off the page were, "Show us which one of these two you have chosen." It doesn't say show us who to chose. Help us with our decision. It says show us the one you have chosen.

I have prayed many times for God to guide my decisions. I have never prayed for God to reveal to me God's choice for me. I think this will change the way I pray when I come to forks in the road of life.

Loving God, pour your Spirit on all those gathering for jurisdictional conference. Show them the ones you have chosen to take the place in the ministry of leadership in our denomination. Amen.

Need to Blog

I need to blog. No that's not it. I should blog. It's been a month and my last blog was just a quick update on the family. I could blame it on supply preaching the 5 of the last 6 Sundays, but that should have given me fodder for the blog not kept me from blogging. So I'll try and dig up some insights to share and then fill you in on the family again.

COMING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN
The sermon I used for two of my assignments was based in Matthew 9:9-13. Jesus calls Matthew and eats with tax collectors and sinners. I talked about the real presence of Christ in that meal - the up close and personal contact with God incarnate. Then I went to the communion liturgy (both were communion Sundays) and talked about "Pour out your Spirit on us gathered here and on these gifts of bread and wine that they may be for us the body and blood of Christ so that we may be for the world the Body of Christ redeemed by his blood." I went on to ask with whom are we called to be at table?

I am leading the weekly communion service at the office for the month of July. That's the conference office, so I am leading people who have been preaching and leading worship for decades including the Bishop. I had planned to recycle a shortened version of above message this past week. On the morning of the service, I had a dream. I was serving communion in the chapel, but the altar was on a raised platform. The Bishop was, for an unknown reason, in a powered wheelchair. He kept trying to get to me on every side of the platform. I had to come down from the platform to serve him. In the introduction of the earlier sermon, I mentioned that chapters 5,6,and 7 of Matthew are the Sermon on the Mount. In chapters 8 and 9, Jesus comes down off the mountain and touches people with more than words. There are healings and dinner with sinners... So my questions to myself and to the leaders of the conference (and the support staff) were, "What is the mountain we are standing on? Who do we need to get off the mountain to serve? Why aren't we doing it?"

OPENING THE GATES
Psalm 24:7 Lift up your heads, O gates! and be lifted up, O ancient doors! that the King of glory may come in.
The weekly Psalm in my devotion book was Psalm 24. This verse gave me a wonderful mental image of two large wooden gates opening - one on my head and one on my heart - and felt the King of Glory enter in.

UPDATE
Okay that's it for insights, so here's the update.

Gifted and Talented is over at Dogblogger's as the band prepares songs for a Nov. 1 concert that will raise funds for the church. He purchased a new Gibson Les Paul guitar a while back and has been searching for the right amp to go with it. It seems he has found just the thing. He spent the afternoon testing out all (okay some) of the 400 preset sound combinations that change the way the guitar sounds. Even I admit it's pretty cool. The really interesting thing was 200 of the presets are based on classic songs from various rock eras. I was amazed as he would suddenly be playing a few bars of at least 1 out of 3 songs he scrolled through. He's amazing. I tell people that, but they say, "Yeh, yeh." Then they hear him and say, "You didn't tell me he is this good." Well I did, but no one listens because I'm his wife and I have to say nice things. Right?

manBoy left today for the youth mission trip. They are going to repair houses in another state. I've been nagging him all week about gathering up the stuff on the packing list. Yesterday, he finally got started. He told me he was done, until I asked about silly things like towels and sheets. Oh yeah. Last night I asked what he did about a water bottle? Is that on the list? Oh. Yeah. Generally though, it's been a good summer with manBoy. He's growing and maturing. He's getting lots more muscles! As he puts it, "I'm filling out my t-shirts more." Soon, I will have to change manBoy to Manboy. He's talking a lot more this summer than last summer - hooray!. I hate when he communicates with grunts.

manBoy's latest aquisition is a road bike (light weight, fast, lots of gears...) that he's been saving for for a long time. He's had it a week and he's already gone on two group rides with folks from the bike shop. He did the starter rides - 18 miles - ugh! The first night, I called DogBlogger and said, "What have I done? I just sent my 15 year old out on a bicycle ride with a bunch of strangers on dangerous roads? Pray!" Then it started raining. An hour and a half later (there were 5 flats in the group, none for manBoy) he came back soaked and happy. We met some of the other riders, who seem nice enough and had kept an eye on him. One of them worked at the hospital while I was doing CPE. We bought a flat kit and an extra tube the next day. Ride #2 went better.

As for me, I feel like I'm kind of muddling along. I have several projects at work, but I'm having a hard time getting moving on them. I loved the supply preaching, but showing up somewhere new with only verbal directions about the order of worship is somewhat stress inducing. Many of my closest to Christ moments in the last month have been at the beginning of the service when I let it all go and trust the Spirit who was going to take care of it whether I let go or not.

Last week was a two point charge - two different churches in one morning. The first one was a cute old white building. There were 7 of us including manBoy, G&T and myself. I was grateful for G&T's singing voice and manBoy's assistance with the offering.

I am preparing to go to my high school reunion. I have interesting thoughts about that, but I'll probably blog about it afterwards. I am assisting with the planning and leading of a memorial service. Some 42 out of about 500 classmates have died. A few died before we graduated, but most since then. It seems an awfully high number for 30 years out. I am putting together a powerpoint with their yearbook pictures and getting white roses for each one. I'm not sure what other roles I'll play in the service.

BLOGGING DONE
Now see Rookie, that wasn't so hard was it?

Update

I survived the preaching in smalltown, Annual Conference (be there for every minute of it because I sit in the front row as Conference staff), camp pastor, preach back in same smalltown marathon. My boss asked me today, "So, when will you rest?" I took his advice, did only the essentials, came home and read a library book!

manBoy's driving is improving. He doesn't scare me so much any more. Sunday, he and Gifted&Talented joined me for worship in smalltown. Afterward, we had him do some small country road driving. He was quite nervous with highway speed and narrow road (thank you Lord!). I'm pleased that he doesn't see himself as an expert driver already. He knows his limitations and that is a very.good.thing. This evening we did a little more practice around town. He really is getting better - no more hugging the curb. We've even tackled some of the busier parking lots in town. He has another lesson with the professional teacher tomorrow and will come home with another assignment to work on (this week was right turns).

My high school reunion is looming close and I'm frustrated because I keep falling off the exercise, healthy eating wagon. I didn't expect to make a drastic change in a couple of months, but I had hoped for some progress. I was back at the Y tonight after 2 weeks off. manBoy and I have a deal - any day he runs, I have to go to the Y. Hopefully that will motivate both of us to stay active this summer.

Blog Break

Annual Conference has come and gone, now I'm off to camp. I have lots to post about but no time to do it, so I'll be back to blogging late next week.

Summer Meme

Ruby tagged me for a meme, so here goes.

1.) What first tells you that Summer is here?
Temps in the 90's

2.) Name your five of your favorite distinctively Summer habits or customs.
grilling (too hot to cook inside)
sandals (not big into flip flops)
capri pants (used to be shorts in a smaller time)
more phone calls to and from manBoy (checking on where abouts, getting permissions...)
family reunions

3.) What is your favorite smell of Summer?
Just before it rains.

4.) What is your favorite taste of Summer?
Juicy grilled burger.

5.) Favorite Summer memory?
Working as a counselor at day camps for children with disabilities - this was the beginning of a career that has spilled into my ministry. Girls Scout camp as a camper and later as a counselor.
There are many others involving swimming, sailing, and anything in water.

6.) Extreme heat or extreme cold? Which would you choose and why?
Extreme cold assuming I can hibernate inside by a fire with hot chocolate and a good book. As much as I love water activities in the summer, I don't get to do them much anymore and my body doesn't do heat well. My thermostat has never worked quite right. A hot summer spent in the pool or lake or ocean would be good, but given my reality, cold is better.

7.) What books do you plan to read for the season?
Waiting for the latest J.D. Robb to come out in paperback or available at the library, whatever comes my way.

8.) How does the Summer affect your faith? Is it a hindrance or an ally?
It depends on what's going on. In busy summers, I tend to let my spiritual disciplines become less disciplined. During vacations and slower times, I enjoy increased reflection time.

Who's next? I can't remember which blogs I've already read this on, so if you haven't been tagged, you're it!

Shopping Prayers

I.hate.to.shop. I especially hate to shop for clothes. Twice in the last three months I found myself shopping for clothes I needed for particular events (one of them the BE). Up until recently I would have thought that praying for shopping might be just a little wrong. I've changed my mind. In both instances I prayed that I would find what I needed and only what I needed, that God would guide my judgment, and that I would maintain a good attitude. It really made a difference. Prayer, I firmly believe, changes the pray-er. It did me. I also believe that I received the guidance that has always been available to me but never used before. Both trips were successful in finding what I needed at pretty good prices. Both events that required new clothes made a difference in my outlook on life. So, I will continue to pray for my shopping trips - for God to help me be frugal and wise, and to look in the right places, and to stay positive especially with those poor clerks who have no idea how much I.hate.shopping.

How do you feel about praying for shopping? Spiritual discipline or self indulgent?

Friday Five: Garage Sale!

Welcome to your irregularly scheduled Fifth Friday Five, hosted by will smama and Songbird!Since will smama is preparing for a joint garage sale with her parents, and Songbird's church had a Yard and Plant Sale last Saturday, we have five enormously important questions we hope you will answer:
1) Are you a garage saler?
Not so much any more. There was a time when G&T and I used to garage sale for entertainment on Saturday mornings, but that was in a time of fewer responsibilities. After manBoy came with very little notice (less than 24 hours), we garage saled for baby paraphernalia.

2) If so, are you an immediate buyer or a risk taker who comes back later when prices are lower? Usually, I just buy right then. I don't want to have to come back. If it's a pricy item, I might go away for a while and let myself consider whether it's something I really want/need.

3) Seriously, if you're not a garage saler, you are probably not going to want to play this one.(That wasn't really #3.)

3) This is the real #3: What's the best treasure you've found at a yard or garage sale? A high chair for manBoy. We were at the stage when we needed one, but not in a place to spend retail dollars. We had looked at several places that advertised baby stuff, but alas no high chair. Then, at what we had decided would be our last stop there sat a wonderfully clean and in good condition high chair. It was almost all that was left at that particular garage sale. Definitely a God thing in my book. I also bought some leather boots for $5 more than 15 years ago. I still wear them in the winter.

4)If you've done one yourself, at church or at home, was it worth the effort? Well it got a lot of stuff out of my house before our last move, and a couple of times since then. It's a good way to get rid of kids stuff. I'm making my own bonus below that talks about this.

5) Can you bring yourself to haggle? Usually not, but if it looks like everything is priced high with the expectation of haggling, I'll bite.


BONUS: I'm creating my own bonus. When manBoy was 5, we had a big sale just before we moved to our current home. With a little sadness, I bundled up his cribset (dust ruffle, bumper pads, sheets, a new blanket, pillow, and mobile) and priced it at $20. We kept the real blankie, it's a long story how we had two, but that's okay. All day long, people came and went. I was a little relieved when the crib set didn't sell. Finally in the afternoon, a young couple came by. She was round with child, and they were delighted to find a complete set for such a good price. Their excitement suddenly made it okay to let it go. I remembered the excitement we had when we put manBoy's nursery together (after he was already here). I also remembered how glad we were to find the high chair, and stroller, and walker, and many other baby items we needed at other garage sales. I was thrilled this couple would have the same opportunity. So on that day, the answer to number 4 is yes, it was definitely worth it.

Restoration

What does it take to restore a neglected relationship to health? It takes time and intentionality and listening and sharing one's heart and being vulnerable and time and intentionality and inherent interest in the best for the other and time and intentionality. But this in itself is not enough, it also takes God's healing touch.

This is true for human relationships. It is also true of our relationship with God. It is so easy to let our relationship with God slip to the back burner when times are good and we are less needy or when times are bad and we are caught up in survival mode. But when we realize what has happened, not all at once, but a little at a time so that we barely noticed, we can make a change. We can invest time and be intentional and be open with our hearts and consider God's desire before our own and invest time and vulnerably admit our fears & hopes and God will bring restoration.

Loving God, Thank you for the restoration and healing you bring to our lives. Teach us to open our hearts and give of ourselves to others and most of all to you. Amen.

Report

Wonderful. weekend. Nuff said.

Friday Five Vacation Style

Sally at RevGalBlogPals wrote this meme. "It is a holiday weekend here in the UK, and the weather forecast for much of the country is not good!!! But we can still dream and so with that in mind I bring you this Friday Five."

1. Getting ready for summer, do you use the gradual tanning moisturisers ( yes gentlemen you too can answer this!!!), or are you happy to show your winter skin to the world?
Well, I'm not happy about showing my pasty white pudge to the world, but I'm not going to let it stop me from doing what I want to do. I'll be in swimsuit this weekend, so watch the news for albino whale spottings. I never got the hang of tanning lotions - can't get them even.

2.Beach, mountains or chilling by the pool, what/ where is your favourite getaway?
Any of the above. I love the sound of the ocean, but really anything that is not city is good - better if there is water of some kind.

3.Are you a summer lover or does the long break become wearing?
Well back when I had a break for summer, I loved it. Since I was a teacher for lots of years, this will be my second summer ever working full time. Not nearly as much fun.

4.Active holidays; hiking swimming sailing, or lazy days?
Hmmm - depends on the activity. Not so much on those listed here, but there are other kinds of activities (wink). I love just hanging out with a good book. My family will only hang out for so long before we need to find something to do.

5.Now to the important subject of food, if you are abroad do you try the local cuisine, or do you prefer to play it safe?
I'm a chicken, not great at trying exotic foods.

No bonus this week unless you can think one up!!! Okay here's mine -
Due to a crummy vacation policy at G&T's work, we won't be taking an extended vacation this year. The two of us are however getting away alone this weekend. We are going to posh place and plan to do as little as possible. Does swimming to the swim up bar count as activity? Even if you just get fruit juice?

DogBlogger tagged me for this meme:

Rules: The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about himself or herself. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Yadayadayada

Ten years ago: I was preparing to move into the house where I live now. I was anticipating my 20th high school reunion. manBoy was finishing pre-school and preparing for kindergarten. I had no inkling there would ever be Rev. in front of my name.

Five things on today's "to do" list: Meeting about residency requirements for ordination, lunch with friend who is starting a special needs ministry, haircut, work on sermon, workout at Y. All done :-)

Things I'd do if I was a billionaire: Help children with disabilities in Vietnam get the equipment and training they need. Pay off my student loans and other accumulated debt. Pay off church building debt. Send manBoy to top college without student loans. Put a pool and hot tub in the back yard.

Three bad habits: procrastination, leaving cabinet doors and drawers open, and according to manBoy - nagging,

Five places I've lived: Kerrville, Carrollton, Fredericksburg, Lakey, and Huntsville in no particular order.

Five jobs I've had: Music store clerk (2 weeks), Flower Shop Delivery Person, Camp Counselor, Pizza Place Counter Person, Teacher.

Five people I'm tagging:
Elastigirl
Vicar of Hogsmeade
RevDrKate
Rev. Dulce
Mary Beth

Camp Pastor

I've added a new title and role to my already interesting list - Camp Pastor for SEEK Camp. SEEK Camp is for persons with special needs and is put on by great volunteers from our conference each summer. This particular session will be for kids ages 9 and up.

I am so excited about this. I have been asked to help with SEEK Camp more than once in the past few years. My obligations as student and mother prevented me from being able to say yes. But it was more than that. I just couldn't get excited about serving as a one-on-one counselor/helper. I've done that before - lots of times, but it just wasn't calling me at this point in life. If my classwork and parenting hadn't been obstacles, I would have had to look closely at that. I don't think everything we are called to do will thrill us, and I would have had to ask myself if I had a real reason for declining.

Then, I got an email last week looking for someone to lead worship for SEEK Camp. That got my attention! It seems to be the perfect melding of all my life experiences and my new role as pastor. For new readers, I was a special education teacher in my previous life (BS-before seminary).

Today, I got to speak with the Camp Director. As we visited about the theme of the camp, I began to have ideas. By the time we hung up, I had formulated the themes and some of the details for the three evening worship services. I will also lead a short devotional - get energized morning worship each day. In between, I'm looking forward to just being there as a servant. Helping where I'm needed whether it be pastoral care or physical assistance. This. will. be. fun. and uplifting. and spiritually renewing.

Thank you God for exciting opportunities to serve you. Your love and guidance are steadfast indeed. I can't wait to see what else you have in store. Amen.

New Books & Good Day All Around

Today the UPS person brought me new books from Amazon. While this may cause groaning on the part of G&T when he sees the books and the bill, it brought smiles, energy, and enthusiasm to the rookie. These new books include a four volume set of Zondervan Illustrated Bible Background Commentary. These are cool books. They wouldn't pass muster as seminary texts, but they are just right for the average lay person wanting to know more about the language and culture referred to in the Bible. And.....they have pictures. And...the information is linked to and organized by scripture passage. It's not a dictionary where you look up the topic. It's background information for specific books and passages. This particular set covers the New Testament. I've been browsing through them. They will be helpful in sermon prep and especially with facilitating Disciple Bible Study next fall.

On another note, the new dryer is here. G&T will have to hook it up when he gets home as we didn't spring for new power cord or venting material and the installers aren't allowed to hook up with old ones. So in just a few hours I'm back in laundry business. You think I wouldn't be all that excited, but I like the feeling that comes with getting through all the mounds of dirty clothes and having three baskets of folded clean ones. I like the smell of clean clothes!

If the dryer dies on Tuesday...

it normally wouldn't be a big deal. I usually do the bulk of our laundry on the weekends. This past weekend, I chose to spend time with our company leaving the laundry for Monday and Tuesday evening. So the fact that the dryer died this morning as I started the load that had washed while I slept last night is a bit more of an inconvenience. Especially since many of my work clothes and 80% of my underwear lie in a tidy pile in my bathroom floor waiting for this evening's wash/dry cycle.

So....today, I will go to Mall near office and purchase undies at JCPenny - something I've been needing to do anyway. I will also drop by Sears and compare models live before going on line and placing my order. The 15% off sale ends this evening.

There is much to be grateful for in all this. I'm typing this so as to breathe out the irritation and breathe in peace. Gratitude is the key.

Thank you Lord for the comfortable home I live in, for electricity and running water, for friends who will let me bring wet clothes to put in their dryer, for the financial means to purchase things I want and things I think I need. Thank you Lord for a husband who finds the measuring tape and measures the space for the dryer while still in his bathrobe. Thank you for the technology that allows me to shop on line. Remind me Lord that there are many who do without the things I deem necessary, and lead me to help them even as I seek to make my life more convenient. Thank you Lord, most of all for your unending love. Amen.

Joy Report

Saturday afternoon found me in Big Perfomance Hall in nearby city listening to twin nieces play in their middle school band. It is a big deal to be in middle school and play in the big concert hall. Then we (G&T, his mom, sisters & their manfriends, manBoy and I) all walked around downtown of nearby city, ate lunch at 3pm, and shopped a little.

Normally this kind of thing would leave me stressed and nursing a headache. G&T's family doesn't like to plan in advance which in the past has driven me to the brink if insanity (don't ask from which direction).

Saturday was different. I was able to relax and go with the flow. I actually enjoyed myself. Those around me enjoyed my presence more than they would have if I had been my old uptight self. I usually hate. shopping. This time, I was the only one who bought stuff, and I bought: a plate holder for my communion paten to go in my office, and two novels. When G&T asked if there was something I wanted for Mother's Day, I dragged him back two blocks for the unique cross I had seen in another shop. At the end of the day, I was hot, but not exhausted, and I realized I had fun!

Sunday, was less successful in the not being uptight mode, but still better than the past most of the day. Baby steps.

Thank you Lord for your patient work in my life and in my heart. Don't stop now! I'm a work in progress. Amen.

Letting Go

manBoy is now the proud owner of a Learner's Permit. He may legally (not necessarily safely) drive with a adult over the age of 21 in the front seat with him. I let him drive the last three blocks home the day he got it, and a little the next day. His dad does much better at letting him drive and learn just how much acceleration, brake, and turning it takes to keep a car in the right place at the right time. Riding in the car with a teenage boy learning to drive could possibly be the ultimate Spiritual Discipline. It involves letting go at a whole new level. I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing with that.

Friday Five - Wait and Pray

Sally at RevGalBlogPals puts forth for consideration:

Part of the Ascension Day Scripture from Acts 11 contains this promise from Jesus;"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Then he was taken from their sight into the clouds, two angels appeared and instructed the probably bewildered disciples to go back to Jerusalem, where they began to wait and to pray for the gift Jesus had promised. Prayer is a joy to some of us, and a chore to others, waiting likewise can be filled with anticipation or anxiety....

So how do you wait and pray?

1. How do you pray best, alone or with others?
My journal is a prayer journal - most of the time, so I guess you can say I pray best alone. While I was in CPE, I did gain skill (yes there is skill involved) and understanding of praying with the sick and hurting.

2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety?
For most of my life I was terrible at waiting. I often jump into decisions too quickly. My husband is very slow at making decisions. Sometimes we have to agree when we will decide something. I can't jump the gun and he has to cut his research off at that point.

That being said, I spent over a year waiting to hear where I would be appointed. There were many false starts and disappointments. In the end, it was all for the best, including the waiting and all that went on during that time.

Now I feel I have this call to use my gifts with our missionaries in Vietnam, but I'm not in a hurr;y. I feel like God will open the doors when and where they need to be opened. It's not that I'm afraid of moving forward, it's that I just know I need to wait and see how God unfolds this rather than making things happen.

3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise?
Well you could say waiting for an appointment, but there have been others. As we struggled with infertility and finally began steps toward adoption, I became content to wait for whatever God had planned for our family. When I finally voiced this "peace with the plan," I didn't have to wait long - about 72 hours before our precious manBoy was in our arms.

4. Do you prefer stillness or action?
At first I was going to say action, but really I enjoy both in their own time. I am an X on the introvert/extrovert scale. Really, I'm a reflective extrovert. I truly appreciate time to "be still," but I thrive on the thrill of completion as the result of action.

5. If ( and this is slightly tongue in cheek) you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to recieve?
Gentleness, which is really a fruit rather than a gift.

My own bonus: It is possible that my wait for ordination may have been shortened by one year. The petition was passed at General Conference. What remains to be seen is whether it will affect those of us already in the probationary (now provisional) period. I guess I will need to practice patience waiting to see if it changes my progress, and trust in God that it will happen at the right time.

Friday Five

Singing Owl at RevGalBlogPals posts the following:

Yesterday I had two separate conversations in which people were musing about how much change is occurring. The WW II generation, of which my mom is a part, went from horse and buggy to automobiles, saw the lessening, or even the end of many diseases, went from widespread use of kerosene lamps and outhouses (in the country, and most folks were rural)) to a totally electrified and plumbed society. The fastest means of communication was a telegraph. The second conversation--gulp--was about MY generation and how much change occurred in the last half of the 20th century. The person said his 13 year old had not seen a vinyl record album until a few days before, couldn't remember a time without cell phones, and on and on.As for the questions!

1. What modern convenience/invention could you absolutely, positively not live without?
I'm spoiled and I admit it! I could live without most of our conveniences today, but I love having the ability to connect via internet and yes, cell phone.

2. What modern convenience/invention do you wish had never seen the light of day?Why?
VideoGames (for my son) and Computer Card Games (for me). We get less from them than they cost us. We lose time for outdoor or reading activities as well as genuine interaction with other people. On the other hand, manBoy and G&T now have common music knowledge as Guitar Hero has some great oldies - make that classics-on it. manBoy plays them on Guitar Hero. G&T plays them on the real thing. Last night he was playing on his newish Les Paul and manBoy named most of the songs within the first few notes.

3. Do you own a music-playing device older than a CD player? More than one? If so, do you use it (them)?
We have a working turntable, and more than one cassette player along with multiple CD players and more mp3 players than we have people in our house. We seem to collect ways to listen to music. We also still have about 40 LP's to play on the turntable, but we rarely do it. Usually it's when we are telling manBoy about some group or song from our youth. We don't have an 8 track tape player. I burned mine up playing Best of Bread over and over again in High School. I tried to get G&T to ditch some of the cassette tapes recently, but he fears he will need to listen to a song for a band gig at some point.

4. Do you find the rapid change in our world exciting, scary, a mix...or somethingelse?
I'm assuming that I'm in the same generation as Singing Owl. Rapid change is all I know. It's neither scary nor exciting. It just is.

5. What did our forebears have that we have lost and you'd like to regain?
Homemade Jelly - specifically the plum jelly my grandmother used to make.

Bonuspoints if you have a suggestion of how to begin that process.
Well, I am not gifted in the cooking area, so perhaps what I will do is go to the local farmers market where they sell homemade jellies and support their efforts.

Obey

That was my word for the cruise retreat - obey. Hmmmph.

My first reaction is I don't want to obey. I want others to obey me. Okay, that probably has something to do with 20 years as a teacher.

My next reaction was to question whether I have obeyed, whether I am obeying by taking the position in the conference office. Did I take the easy way out? Or am I right where God wants me to be? Ponder. Worry. Go before Board of Ordained Ministry and try to convince them and myself this is where God and the Bishop have sent me.

Then I got busy doing my job and didn't think about it so much.

Then the whole go to Vietnam thing came up. In my small group last Saturday, one of my friends asked, "Do you want to go? You keep saying you have to go." I couldn't explain to her this sense of being compelled and whether I want to or not is irrelevant. It is indeed very exciting ....and scary.... to think about.

I realized this morning that whole concept of whether I want to being irrelevant is what "Obey" is all about. In the Prayer of Confession in the UMC Communion Liturgy, we find the words "free us for joyful obedience." Joyful obedience. That's what this letting go of all the reasons not to do something and just waiting to see how God will work it out feels like.

Because strict obedience was demanded in my childhood, I have never associated obedience with joy or freedom. Now I'm finding both. It is rather freeing to just be willing to go with what comes instead of orchestrating everything with very tight control. Isn't growing fun?

God of love, thank you for all you have and are revealing in my life. Give me courage to discover the joy and freedom of obedience. Amen.

I Think I Have to Go to Vietnam...

but we'll talk more on Saturday. That's what I told my friend Amy just before I hung up from a very brief phone call on Friday morning.

I spent two days at the United Methodist Church Mission Initiative Summit last week. I went because our Volunteers In Mission (VIM)coordinator thought it would be helpful to have extra eyes and ears to attend more of the sessions. On the first day, I ate lunch with a couple who are missionaries to Vietnam. We discovered that I went to seminary with their son. We both graduated last May. It was a nice social conversation.

Then I asked the VIM coordinator which breakout session she wanted me to attend. She said Asia as she didn't know much about UM work there. So off I went. There were presentations on the misison work in Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, and others. I took notes so I would be able to share the information back at the office. Then the couple from Vietnam got up to speak. They too presented a power point on the church starts and the pastor training that is happening there. It was interesting. Then they started a second powerpoint presentation on Agent Orange. They showed pictures of children and young adults who have a variety of physical disabilities. Over and over again, they said he or she cannot walk and cannot talk. These children were pictured in their mother's arms or on the floor. There were no wheel chairs. There was no special seating that would support a body unable to support itself.

My heart cried. Here I am trying to help churches reach out to and welcome families of persons with disabilities. Families who have wheelchairs for their children but don't feel welcome in church. In Vietnam there are mothers who carry their children to church because they have no wheelchairs.

The church where we were meeting has a special needs Sunday School room. I took the woman missionary down there and showed her some of the special seating equipment that is available. I explained my background in teaching children with disabilities. I began discussing the best way to get equipment to them (buy and ship or send money for them to order...). I talked to them about ways children can communicate without speaking. Then her husband asked, "Can you come to Vietnam?" I told him it might be possible although I didn't have any idea how to make it come about.

Day 2: I had lunch with our VIM coordinator and told her "I think I have to go to Vietnam." I told her the rest of the story. She feels, like I do, that it was a God thing that I wound up in that particular presentation. About that time, a VIM coordinator from another conference walks up. The two of them begin to talk and he mentions that he attended the Asia session as his conference is planning to expand their mission work into Vietnam. They are in fact planning a trip in the next twelve months. My friend told him my story, so now it is a real possibility that I will go to Vietnam sometime soon to scope out the needs so I can come back and raise funds for equipment and medical care. Look out, I see a soapbox with my name on it.

I know one group I will ask. Our conference has several churches who offer respite care for children with disabilities. I'm thinking that the families who use these services might like an opportunity to help someone else. Part of healthy living with chronic illness or disability is feeling like you are contributing and not always needing.

This is soooooo far from preaching in a little church somewhere. God are you laughing at me?

Wound Up Tight

You've heard the terms "uptight" and "loosen up." I had a conversation with a friend that prompted an interesting visual image. It seems to me that we have this imaginary spring inside us that keeps us together - keeps us from flying into a thousand pieces. The end of the spring is attached to an imaginary screw with it's head on our back (like baby dolls with battery compartments). When we face difficult times and it seems like we are in danger of "losing it" or "falling apart" even just a little, we turn the screw and tighten the spring hoping to hold it all together a little better. Sometimes, we loosen the spring later, but mostly we don't. We just live with this new state of tightness until it feels normal. When the next adversity comes along we repeat the process. Winding ourselves a little tighter. It works. We manage to hold it all together. The only problem is that everytime we tighten the spring, we lose a little fluidity in our movements - both physical and emotional. Our shoulders draw up. Our brows furrow. The last thing to go is our smile - lips become pursed. This also explains the meaning of tight--- that refers to one's backside. Emotionally, we become so absorbed in keeping ourselves in tact and not disolving into crying jags or angry outbursts that we are no longer able to experience joy.

I believe that the RevGal BE did some serious loosening of my spring. I see now that I can't play and enjoy life if I can't move either internally or externally. The joy I found there was directly related to letting go of my tight hold. That had begun before we left, but reached a whole new level of freedom on the deck of the boat.

Since I've been back, the spring has been tightened some with daily responsibilities, and friends facing difficulties. I was a little discouraged that the joy level seemed to dip. I understand now that it isn't all about staying loose all the time, but about remembering to loosen up every now and then.

I realize that our family has a collective spring too. It's been wound just about to the breaking point over the last 18 months. Now it is time for us to loosen up. We are moving toward that goal, but it is slow.

God of Joy and Pain, thank you for the light and loose times. Thank you for walking with us during the uptight times too. Remind us that you are truly what can hold us together when we need it. Amen.

Another Big Event

I learned yesterday that my High School Reunion is 109 days away. The organizers have set up a website and made plans for several activities - one of them is referred to as "The Big Event." I have mixed feelings about this reunion. I have changed a great deal (both internally and externally) in the last 30 years as would be expected. But I've changed and grown tons just in the last 6 years. I wonder how hard it will be to explain all the changes I/we have gone through since I left teaching. Will I even want to? Who there will care? There are a few people that I was close to in high school that I would want to reconnect with. I have a friend who read my blog soon after I first started it. She said, "It's like reading about someone I don't know."

On a lighter note, for the most part High School was fun and I do look forward to seeing many people I haven't seen in a long time. So, regardless of how deep the sharing goes, I can go and have fun if I don't let myself get too bogged down in seriousness.

Lists in Progress

Okay, I'm too tired to finish the link lists on the side bar. If your blog isn't there and you think it should be, leave me a comment. I know I'm missing at least one BE and I haven't started my other blog friends yet.

Joy Revisited

Just had a teary call from a long time friend/church member who has watched me go through lots over the last 13 years. She had just read my blog. She (through her tears) told me she's been praying for me to find joy for some time now. She felt it was missing from my ministry, but also knew it would have to be a Spirit thing. God is good. Friends who pray for you are good.

Friday Five

I'm really tired, but I want to do the Friday Five. The questions have been saved all day waiting for me to get to them. So here goes:

With this Sunday's gospel reading in mind, that wonderful revelation of Christ to the companions on the Emmaus road. I wonder where you might have been surprised by God's revelation recently.



So with no further waffle I offer you this weeks Friday 5:

How has God revealed him/herself to you in a:

1. Book - Scripture! There are lots of others, but when I want to find God, I go to scripture. Most often the Psalms. This isn't just a cheesy answer - you can ask DogBlogger. I love the way my Bible feels in my hands. I love the images it paints... the beauty of the written word.....

2. Film - I'm just going to have to pass on this one. Don't watch many. Brain to tired to think.

3. Song - Something Beautiful - UMH # 394
Lyrics are: Something beautiful, something good;
All my confusion he understood.
All I had to offer him was brokeness and strife,
But he made something beautiful of my life.


4. Another Person - Definitely 20 other women on the aft deck at the BE. But also today a long-time friend.

5. Creation - Blues, turquoise, green - thousands of shades in the Gulf of Mexico. I didn't take a camera - I've just been "borrowing" pics from other blogs.

Bonus answer: your choice- share something encouraging/ amazing/ humbling that has happened to you recently!
I've already blogged these :-) See below.

It is over!

I made it through the interview that would deterimine if I continue into year 2 of my residency. For you non-United Methodists and average people, residency is probationary clergy status. Clergy but not yet ordained. At this time it lasts 3 years. Some people including DogBlogger are working to shorten it via General Conference.

At any rate, I have been approved to go on to the next year. This is really good news, as they could easily have said that my temporary appointments.... did not give me the growth I needed in year one. Or worse, that I simply hadn't grown this year.

I have recommendations for growth. Anyone know of a couple of men from my home church who could come to my Lay Committee Meetings during weekdays and would push me to grow? I have to learn in a year how to articulate how I am called to be an Elder in my current position which is not in a church.

I also have to get better at articulating answers to theological questions on the fly. I'm okay when I can think and write. Not so good "on my feet." Vicar of Hogsmeade gave me some good ideas for using my teaching background to get better at this. She suggested that as I go through my day, I consider how I would use various objects I encounter in children's sermons. Now, I did children's sermons for 5 years. This I can do. Thanks for the tip.

I need to go to bed, so Good Night Gracie.

Oh, but one more thing - I made 2 miles on the Elyptical Trainer tonight. I've been adding 1/2 mile to my total movement each week. I've been mixing walking with using the cardio machines. Tonight, I only had to walk 1/2 mile because I made 2 whole miles on the machine! See what a little line dancing will do for ya!

Because We're Twelve

Dog Blogger and I decided to get ...










matching tatoos aboard ship.

They aren't permanent, but they are a reminder of our great time at the BE.



Because twelve year olds run in packs, a few others....

followed suit.

I actually wound up a couple of people behind Dog Blogger because I had to run over and do the Electric Slide while it was playing. Just a small joy detour on the way to another joy.

One of these is permanant. It is the only tatoo I would ever consider getting for real. It says "hesed" in Hebrew. God's steadfast, never ending, compassionate love. That's something I might consider permanantly inscribing on my body. It is something I try to inscribe on my heart.

By the way this worked great as an April Fools with my boss, not so much with manBoy.

Joy

22By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

I'm back from the Rev Gal Big Event and it was a wonderful time of physical, emotional, and spiritual renewal. I have several revelations to share and most of them will make it to the blog in due time. But the one that is most prominent in my mind and heart is "joy."

I had a great deal of fun on this trip and experienced several moments of pure joy: Riding on the bow of the catamaran across water that was countless shades of blue and turquoise. Snorkling and seeing at least 20 different kinds of vibrantly colored tropical fish in spite of the fact there were 40 of us in the water. Line dancing on the deck of same catamaran (much easier said than done, trust me.) Listening to my sisters in Christ as they shared their heart stories. Watching someone I admire see beauty in herself. Did I mention the blue green ocean in a thousand shades? Did you know that sea foam green is a real color in the wake of a ship? God's creation is truly awesome.

All this joy filled me up and made me smile even when I wasn't thinking about it. It made me realize joy has been missing from my life for a good while. I haven't smiled spontaneously in a long long time. Nov. 2006 to the end of 2007 was a hard period in our lives. In the last few weeks, as I began to feel rested and not tired all the time, I have been more joyful. I noticed the change when people ask me how I'm doing and I really am "good" or "well" as I usually respond.

The evening at the end of the day with the catamaran ride and snorkling, I was doing some of the "homework" we were given the option of doing as a part of our retreat. The scripture reading was the above passage. I have read this passage many times, but it never really dawned on me that not only is joy listed as Fruit of the Spirit, it comes second only after love. I had not really thought that being Spirit filled would/should bring joy.

I am coming to realize that joy is part of the lesson I am to learn while in my position at the conference office. This position is important, but doesn't require as much of my energy as pastoring a church. I have the time to learn about joy, and re-creation, and fun right now in this place.

You may ask why joy is a lesson to be learned. Here's the message I'm getting. "Who wants a pastor for whom every task is a duty and burden? How can a pastor who never finds joy be effective ?" I've been so tired for so long and fighting such difficult times, I had forgotten how to find joy in the journey. This is not to say that one has to be up and happy inspite of all circumstances. Joy is not happiness. Joy is a deep down thing that goes beyond circumstances. It involves finding the good in life inspite of the hard stuff.

Today, as I pondered what to put in this post, I Corinthians 13 came to mind. If love is listed first as Fruit of the Spirit and joy is listed next, I wondered what would happen if I replaced the word love with the word joy. How would that read? How would it speak to me? So with apologies to Paul, here it is:

1If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have joy, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have joy, I am nothing. 3If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have joy, I gain nothing. I Corinthians 13:1-3

Hmmm. Powerful stuff. I wonder what would happen if I work my way down the list of Fruit of the Spirit. Perhaps in the coming weeks.

God of wonder, God of love, thank you for the blessing of joy. Help me share it with those around me. Amen.

Big Decisions - Planning for the Future

For what seemed like a very long time, we have not been able to plan more than a couple of weeks ahead when it came to finances and living arrangements. manBoy started high school this year knowing we could move sometime during the school year. Now that my appointment is settled at least until June '09, we are beginning to make longer term decisions.

Today, manBoy turned in his letter of commitment to the new high school that will be opening next fall. This school will be small - less than 300 students to start- and be different from most high schools. Learning will be project based. Project assignments are made at the beginning of a teaching unit and teaching focuses on what the student needs to know to complete the project. Collaboration, work ethic, and communication skills are included in the grade along with content knowledge. Someone besides mom will be telling him that working hard and well with others is important. The technology level of this school is higher than the other high school. Each student will have a laptop computer checked out to him/her. manBoy is excited about this. He will be able to continue his athletics (cross country and track) at the main high school then go to the new school afterwards.

As for G&T and I, we just made arrangements to refinance our mortgage. We were in an ARM that adjusted up a year ago, but we had no idea how long we would be in the house or if G&T would be working. G&T has been working for a year now. I know where I'm appointed. The time has come. We bit the bullet and moved to a shorter loan. Slightly higher payments, but earlier security of a place to live when we retire.

It feels really good to plan ahead a little. I know that I should be able to trust God and go with the flow. We did better at that some months than we did during others. We are no longer just maintaining while we wait to hear. This is nice.

Next steps in the planning ahead game: Internet Service and debt reduction.

Loving God, I know that life can change in an instant. My time at the hospital showed me that. Thank you for this time of peace, and less uncertainty. Thank you for the home we live in, for the schools that are available for manBoy, for the jobs we have, and most of all for the certainty that you are always with us. Amen.

Suffering

I've been thinking about suffering of late. I grew up believing that all suffering (especially my own) should be prevented or alleviated. Our society seems to think that way too. We are shocked when hard things happen in our lives. I was recently listening to a Nancy Griffith song about her aunt and uncle in the Great Depression. It seems like 75 years ago, suffering was expected as a part of life. I wonder if we would cope better with the hard events of life if we just accepted that suffering will come. It will be a part of our lives more than once.

I know I already am. Last year when G&T was laid off, I really struggled. I asked myself, "Why?" I believe it was because the suffering free life I had worked so hard to create was threatened. I see now that if I will quit judging whether or not life is good by how hard or easy it is, I will be a more content person.

Now, this is not to say that we should not continue all efforts to alleviate the suffering that comes with poverty, disease, and oppression. In fact if I am more willing to suffer myself, I will probably be more willing to step out to care for others.

Just thinking and praying....

Top 10 Reasons I Haven't Blogged

After months of blogging about my uncertain future, I'm finally living it!

1. Okay, now I have a real job and I'm a lot busier.

2. I'm going to the Y to work out 3 x per week. My goal is moving for a total of 9 miles per week with a combo of walking and cardio machines. I'm adding 1/2 mile each week. I'm up to 7 miles per week. When I get to 9 miles, I'll increase the amount of cardio and reduce the walking. Of course this means less time to blog.

3. Trying to reconnect with manBoy and Gifted & Talented. For months we were in survival mode and just did our own thing. Now we are making plans and doing stuff together. Any ideas for a romantic getaway Memorial Day weekend?

4. Papers. I'm still writing papers. Residency (being commissioned but not ordained) still requires papers, and covenant group meetings, and mentor meetings, and lay minstry committee meetings.

5. Refinancing home. Phone calls, paper work... It's so confusing!

6. Gathering info for filing taxes (or having Dad the H&R Block guy do them).

7. Although I took the whole game folder off my computer, I still waste time playing Text Twist on Yahoo.

8. manBoy is learning to drive. Arranging for Drivers' Ed... That is actually blog fodder, but who has time?

9. Surely I can think of one more ... then I'll have 10. I'll let you fill in the blank __________________________________________________________. Make sure it's something fun. Let me know in the comments.

10. Getting ready for the RevGalBlogPal Big Event!

Breaking the Silence - News! News! News!

I haven't blogged in the last couple of weeks because there has been so much I couldn't say.

On Feb. 8th I learned that the promised March 1 apppointment wasn't going to happen - not at all. That was all I was told. I had no idea what if anything was coming next.

Then a week later, I was presented with an opportunity for a different kind of appointment. I spent a weekend in prayer and very privately consulting a couple of close confidants. The consensus was the new opportunity is a good thing.

Then for the last week, I've been waiting to hear if it would indeed become a reality, and then when it could be public knowledge.

Today everything fell into place, and I'm happy to tell you that I have been appointed to ………… The Conference Office. Yes, you read correctly. I’m staying right where I’ve been assigned temporarily for the last 5 months. It seems that the new director was pleased with what I accomplished and believes I can be an asset to his vision for the Connectional Ministries Office. He requested that I be appointed here, and the cabinet has agreed. This appointment will run at least through June of 2009. It is my hope that it will continue for three years, but in the UMC you only know for a year at a time.

This is good because:
-I am enjoying what I’m doing here. I can see where my gifts and skills will make a difference and be helpful.
-Our family will not be moving in the near future. manBoy will continue his education in suburbia.
- We will maintain our association with and participation at Beloved Home Church. manBoy will stick with the youth leaders he's come to know and love. Gifted & Talented will continue to play in the worship band.
-I will be more available to my family during these last few years with manBoy at home than I would be if I was pastor in a local church.

FAQ’s:

- But MLR, didn’t you want to pastor a church?
o Yes, I do. But my heart tells me this is not the time. I truly believe this opportunity was given to me for a reason. When I realize I have just over 3 years left with manBoy at home, I know I don’t want to miss them sitting in meetings every evening. Local church pastoring will come in its time.

- Does this mean there wasn’t a church for you?
o Actually, no. The District Superintendent was on his way to talk to me about a church appointment when this came up.

- What about preaching?
o I will still preach some at beloved home church, and for other pastors who need to be gone for one reason or another. I have preached and conducted worship 7 times since September, which is more opportunities than many associate pastors have.

- Will this affect your probationary period for ordination?
o No. This was one concern that the DS checked out very carefully. We didn’t want to do anything to endanger my ordination. I will probably be asked to do some things (like teach and/or preach) in Beloved local church, but this appointment still counts toward my probationary period.

Friday Five: What Are You Doing For Lent?

This is a perfect Friday Five from RevGalBlogPals since I was planning to blog about my Lenten discipline anyway.

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras and/or Ash Wednesday this week? How?
Yes, I led my first Ash Wednesday service at a friend's church. I loved it. Once again affirming my call to worship leadership. I preached about being a wretch - starting with a story of manBoy asking me one night as I was singing Amazing Grace, "Mommy, what's a wretch?" I used a good deal of John Newton's life story. He wrote Amazing Grace. It turns out John did have an amazing conversion experience, but continued to captain slave ships afterward. It was only later that his eyes were opened to the evils of slavery. His remorse over his participation in slave trade strongly influenced William Wilberforce who fought long and hard in the English parliament to abolish slavery. (See the movie Amazing Grace.) "I was blind, but now I see" is as much about seeing our own wretchedness as seeing God's redeeming love.

2. What was your most memorable Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday/Lent?
Last year, I went to Ash Wednesday service at my home church. I had no leadership role, and neither did G&T. We actually sat together as a family. We were in a bad place. G&T had been out of work for 2 and a half months. As I sat and listened to my friend play "The Lord's Prayer" on her violin, I was overcome with the words "Thy will be done." It was a huge letting go. Tears rolled. Peace came. As a post-script, G&T had an interview the next day and a job by the end of the week. But, the peace came first.

3. Did you/your church/your family celebrate Lent as a child? If not, when and how did you discover it?
As an adult. It has become more common to take up Lenten Disciplines in the United Methodist Church in the lat 15-20 years. I began by giving up things I turn to when I'm stressed instead of turning to God (Coke and M&M's the first year).

4. Are you more in the give-up camp, or the take-on camp, or somewhere in between?
It depends on where I am that year, so I guess you can say somewhere in between.

5. How do you plan to keep Lent this year?
I've been struggling with this. I am hoping that my life will take a significant change in the middle of Lent, so I'm looking for something that isn't dependent on my current schedule and habits. Here's the plan. I need more heart time with God. We talk about the passion of Christ, and I need to remember to be passionate about Christ. I live in my head most of the time, and have worked on integrating heart and head for over a year now. I can see that in the last few weeks, I have slipped into head living again. So my Lenten discipline will be to make heart time, and to attend to my heart throughout the day. I don't know what that heart time will look like, because to have heart time, I have to just be with God. I may read Scripture. I may just listen to my meditative music. Mostly, I want to just be in the presence of God.

Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Lint

Tonight I will conduct my first Ash Wednesday Service. I have taken a poll of clergy persons around the conference office and my mentors. Ashes - dry, with water, with oil, with vaseline. I've had many answers. Several say oil. The Bishop says "dry," but two others say "never dry." The pastor at my home church puts a little vaseline around the edge of the phyxis and dabs a little on his thumb as needed. I have assisted him using this method. It's not great, but I may go with what I know. I did stop and by a package of men's hankerchiefs to have something to wipe on as I need it. I have all of 4 hours to figure this out, so if you have a sure fire method, now is the time to comment!

Lent - I've spent so much of my thought energy preparing for this service, I haven't really thought about what my own Lenten discipline will be. What are you doing?

Lint - I'm beginning to feel a little like pocket lint. You know the stuff you pull out of your pockets and throw away? There has been some kind of hold up in the appointment changes, so I still don't know where I'm going or even if I'm still going somewhere on March 1.