This morning, as I prepared for an appointment with the employment office at the hospital I began searching for something to wear. Obviously, the standard summer outfit of khaki capris, green or melon tee shirt, and sandals wasn't going to cut it here. After all, I had received a three page dress code in the mail. So the search began for something to wear that would:
-allow easy access for drug testing (pee in cup = no panty hose),
-allow for immunizations or tb test,
-allow me to walk from the parking garage to the employment office, medical testing site, and back to the employment office without melting or wilting in 100* temp.
I found dress slacks and a short sleeved sweater that are nice enough. The result: middle age mom trying to dress up a little, not professional, just dumpy. Okay, I'll add the new jacket that looks great but is really hot. Ahhh. A much more professional look, I'll just have to carry the jacket and put it on just before I go in.
As I drove to the appointment, I began to think about all the different versions of me I saw in the mirror this morning. First the khaki look: mom, carefree (read unemployed), relaxed, and somehow not on the same level as those professionals I would be meeting later. Then slacks and sweater, nicer, but not a look of confidence. Next, professional dress- much sharper and at least looking like I have more confidence. I began to wonder, which person am I? Which person will I be as I work with staff, patients, and their families at the hospital? Can I maintain enough confidence to encourage trust and still have enough of the khaki woman in me to be real? Can more than one aspect of who I am show through at the same time?
At the hospital, which is a county hospital primarily serving those who do not have funds to pay for services, I saw all manner of dress. Certainly there were those in professional dress, there were employees in scrubs, and there were patients in everything from Sunday dress and hat to pajamas. If I imagine myself to be different according to how I am dressed, what judgments am I making, will I make about others?
No real answers today. Just points to ponder.
Lord, Open my eyes to the petty and judmental me that I can be. Show me where and how to be your servant in this world. Amen