manBoy's Poem

manBoy was given a poetry assignment for Language Arts class. He was to write a poem commemorating an event in his life. He chose the day his birthmother relinquished him to us. Although he was only two days old and doesn't remember, he's seen the video of the placement ceremony we held in the hospital chapel many times. manBoy has continued contact with each of his birthparents and this has been a blessing for all involved. His teacher and I think he shows amazing understanding for a young teenage boy. Not that I'm bragging or anything. So without further ado:

Farewell For Now

A child brought into the world that day
But you, too young to let me stay,
So you decided to let me go
Hoping I would never go to and fro.

A day full of emotion
Everyone there had the same notion,
You gave me up in love
So that I could live life giving others that same love.

You so very young
Your life, just barely begun.
Anger, I have not
For on that day you were so distraught.

I do not remember that day
But your love is with me to stay
I call them father and mother,
But you will always be that special other.

Your dreams for me are being fulfilled
I’m living the life that you willed.
Raised in a home with love and care,
I do not want to leave here to go elsewhere.

I see you now and again
You love me still as you did then,
Continue to love me I know you shall
I leave you with that, farewell for now.

Perspective

Today I returned to the college campus where my seminary is located. I spent the last 3 1/2 years in classes there. This particular university is known for the wealth of many of the undergraduate students. There are BMW's in the parking garage. Although the university is less than 10 miles from the hospital where I now work, the two institutions are worlds apart. The hospital is all concrete and functionality and is crowded with persons of poverty. The university is old, stately buildings and huge oak trees. Shady green areas are dotted with young people who have never wondered where they will sleep or if they will eat. As I walked across campus, I remembered my first couple of semesters there. I felt terribly out of place. I was middle-aged not young, and it had been 20 years since I had studied for a test or written a term paper. Now, campus feels like home. I miss it. The hospital on the other hand is another strange new land where I am slowly beginning to feel comfortable.

One of the patients made a comment that made me look at my own life. She said when she was first given a walker to use she hated it. It meant a loss of independence and functionality. Now that she can no longer walk even with the walker, she would give anything to be able to use a walker again. It's all a matter of perspective.

I ask myself, what do I have in the here and now that I'm going to miss when CPE is over? What do I need to be appreciating now?

Peace Removed

Weeping subsided. Headache improved. Now for a brief musing.

I was checking out the newbies at RevGalBlogPals and I found Reflections on the Bible talking about peace. I began thinking that God is working on me in a new way that is not at all peaceful, but is necessary. Here is the comment I posted over there.

A breath prayer is just a few syllables that can be uttered in just one breath. It begins with the way you are most comfortable addressing God and is followed with the thing you would ask Jesus for if he sat down facing you and asked, "What do you want?"

For years, off and on, my breath prayer has been, "Lord Jesus, fill me with your peace." This prayer has moved me through hard times and transitions. I have experienced that peace that passes understanding.

Now I sense that God is moving me away from peace for a reason. I need to see the reality of the pain in the world and not live peacefully in ignorance.

Lord Jesus, fill me with your strength, and compassion, and sense of justice, and oh so many more qualities. Amen.

Weepy Today

It's been a while since my last post. My creative energy went into a reflection paper this week. I've been on-call at the hospital today, and seeing other's pain was harder today for some reason. So here are my reasons to weep.

Young girl (just a little older than manBoy) from my small community died this weekend as a result of being struck by a car a couple of weeks ago. I had just about decided to let manBoy extend his roaming area by crossing at that intersection. I'm sad for the girl's life that was too short, and I weep for her family. I'm sad that I'm more fearful about manBoy than I was before I started CPE.

Other hardships involving mothers and babies at separate hospitals.

Families making hard decisions.

manBoy writing a poem to commemorate an event in his life. He wrote about his birthmother's sacrificial love on the day she placed him in my arms. Amazing for a young teenage boy. I'll publish it as soon as he and his teacher have done a small bit of editing. We are sooooo blessed. I think that makes it harder to see others struggle so.

It's been a long time since I've made use of the Teddy Bear Collection that adorns the guest bed. I think I could use a cuddle this evening. Hot Chocolate and a positive book. Still I think of the people I left in waiting rooms with no such comforts.

Lord comfort them! Wrap them with a blanket of your love. Amen.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring. I'll try to post more this week.

Another Learning Opportunity

Reading Isaiah. All about the bad things to come to the enemies of Judah. Muddling through until I happen on this;

Isaiah 16: 10-11 You have forgotten God your Savior; you have not remembered the Rock, your fortress. Therefore, though you set out the finest plants and plant imported vines,
though on the day you set them out, you make them grow, and on the morning when you plant them, you bring them to bud, yet the harvest will be as nothing in the day of disease and incurable pain.

Ouch! How is it that my work life is so immersed in prayer and spirituality, yet I neglect to turn to God with simple issues at home? How can the seeds of love I want to grow in my home flourish without the greatest love of all?

Message recieved Lord. I give it all to you. Amen.

Friday Five: Creature Comforts

Reverendmother at RevGalBlogPals sends out this meme

...Maybe it's the arrival of crisp October, my favorite month. Or maybe it's the fact that the divine little miss m has been sick all week (and if the baby ain't happy, ain't nobody happy). Whatever the reason, my thoughts have been turning to cozy creature comforts--those activities and spaces that just make a person feel good. And so...

1. Comfort beverage - Choffee - My own concoction of Hot Chocolate with a spoon of instant coffee and a nice topping of Extra Creamy Ready Whip. I'm not a coffee drinker, so this is what I've used to stay awake to study these past 4 years. It's also nice for a morning quiet time and much cheaper than unnamed chain coffee shop specialty drinks. It is finally cool here and I have the day off, so I have already enjoyed this special treat in the comfort chair (see below).

2. Comfort chair- large chair covered in Southwest pattern in the corner of my terra cotta den next to the fireplace. It has big arms that hold all my books, bibles and journals. I'm short, so can put my feet up in the chair with me and read for hours (see below).

3. Comfort read - Ooh, there are so many. I enjoy rereading Jan Karon, but I'm also love a trashy novel or a good mystery when I need a mental break. Nora Roberts aka JD Robb works for me.

4. Comfort television/DVD/music: We like to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition as a family. We tape it since at least some of us are usually at church at that time. We also like Christmas movies (It's a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn, White Christmas, and of course The Christmas Story -"You'll shoot your eye out!"). G&T actually bought a leg lamp ornament for our Christmas tree. As for music, G&T and I have a "Relax Mexico" CD from Target that reminds us of beach get-aways in the past. Of course I can always pull out the 70's folk LP's and reminisce. Hey, maybe I'll do that while I clean house today. Where did those John Denver and James Taylor CD's go anyway?

5. Comfort companion(s): Gifted and Talented and manBoy. See above.

Celebration and Blessings

Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. Gifted and Talented came through well with a dozen red roses mixed with other red flowers the day before! I realize everyday how blessed I am to have him. He loves and supports me in so many ways. He has stayed beside me and encouraged me through seminary and now through CPE along this path toward ordination.

I found a picture of a beachhouse and beach scene that reminds us of our great get away this past summer. It's already hanging in our bedroom.

Thank you Lord for this wonderful man. Amen.

I Wonder

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?
And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin,
yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you-- you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?'
For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6: 25-34

I have always read these words from a position of abundance. I wonder what they mean to someone who has nothing, who lives on the streets and who does not know where the next meal will come from. At the hospital, the chaplains often get requests for monetary assistance. The pastoral care office does not have these kinds of resources. As individuals we are allowed to give to those we choose. The need is so great. It seems never ending. I have given Tuna kits to a couple of people, but no monetary assistance as yet. I often feel like the person described in James 2:15-16 If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill," and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that?

So I ask myself, why don't I give financially? True the foundation of our home needs expensive repair, true my student loans will be coming due soon, but also true is the fact that the abundance I have far exceeds that of those who ask. I've thought of asking my Sunday School class for McDonald's gift cards (there is a McD's in the hospital), but the question is what am I willing to share of what I have? As usual this blog serves more as a forum for my own personal debate than for finding or giving answers.

On Call

On call. All is well. No belly ache. More tomorrow.

From a Proud Mom

Below is a poem written by manBoy for a class assignment. Deep thoughts from a young teenage boy. Written from a middle school perspective but true in the broadest sense.

Why Do We See the World the Way We Do

I do not understand
Why cats do not like water
Why people are always fighting
Why people must covet what others have

But most of all I do not understand
How there can me so much hate in the world we live in
I have seen people harassed for what they do
I have seen people teased for the way they look
And I have seen people harassed purely for who they are, not for any other reason

What I do understand most is science
It gives you knowledge about the world we live in
You can tweak chemicals and create completely new medicines
And if you really know your stuff, you can save lives.