Peace, I ask of thee, oh river
Peace, peace, peace
When I learn to live serenely
Cares will cease.
From the hills, I gather courage
visions of the days to be;
Strength to lead and faith to follow,
all are given unto thee.
This is an old Girl Scout song from my (much) younger years. I have always loved it.
I was writing about my Call to Ministry for my Lay Ministry Committee recently. I finished by talking about how my time at the conference office has shown me that I can be in ministry anywhere. As I typed the words, "I have more peace now than I’ve had in a long time," I had a Big AHA moment.
During CPE, one of my peers pointed out that my struggle with the disappointment of not having an appointment was similar to my struggle with the pain of infertility. That was another epiphany. It was amazing to me how much the emotions were the same - anger, sense of abandonment, grief... It also gave me hope.
Now the parallel continues. manBoy came to us just three days after I made the statement that I was finally at peace with God’s plan for us and a child. A friend had pulled me aside to tell me of her pregnancy privately so that I could deal with my pain before she announced to the group. I was able to tell her for the first time in five years I could hear of someone else's pregnancy and not hurt. I was at peace.
I find myself in the same place now. I don’t know what my future holds, but I am confident that wherever I go, God will use me.
PS The latest news is that I will continue at the conference office through February. I am still hopeful for a church appointment in March.